


Haven's Heaven

by SujuLoveNL



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Angst, Attempted Murder, Drama, Family Drama, M/M, Minor Character Death, Murder
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-05 05:31:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 41,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15163736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SujuLoveNL/pseuds/SujuLoveNL
Summary: A story about a secret alliance called Civiltry; when Cho Kyuhyun ends up joining this so-called mythical alliance, he notices that myths aren't as magical as he thought they would be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Have started writing this back in 2014 (up to chapter 5), but continued writing just recently. And I am loving it even more than I did back then! You might notice some worsened quality after chapter 5, as I hadn't written for a very long time, but I am slowly getting used to it again. Please enjoy this story together with me ^^ Comments are highly appreciated <3

The strange man wouldn't let go of his hand and it mildly angered Kyuhyun. If it wasn't for the fact that they were fleeing from the royal guards, he would have hit the man in his face just to make his point clear; but right now, he had other things on his mind.

The man suddenly turned a corner and pulled Kyuhyun along with him and closer to his body, his free hand covering Kyuhyun's mouth to make sure even his breathing was muffled. They waited in silence for the guards to pass them unknowingly.

As soon as quite a few footsteps had run by, the man sighed in what seemed mild relief, "I think they are gone."

"Then, can you let go of my hand now?" Kyuhyun remarked, lifting his hand up and the man's hand along with it.

To Kyuhyun's dismay, the man smiled. "My bad, it seemed like a good plan back then."

After he'd let go of Kyuhyun's hand, Kyuhyun quickly got a hold of his own hand and softly massaged it; his hands made him his living after all, he could not risk any injury. The man had quite harshly squeezed Kyuhyun's hand while fleeing, probably to make sure he wouldn't lose the other in the process. He didn't seem particularly muscular though, and Kyuhyun silently wondered how he had been able to hurt Kyuhyun like that. 

"Follow me," the man said after eying Kyuhyun massaging his own hand for a while.

"I don't even know you," Kyuhyun replied. "My mom taught me not to go with strangers."

"Did she also taught you to steal?"

Kyuhyun let out an annoyed sigh, but not only at the remark of the other. He had never been caught stealing before and he had done it for ages. But this time, not only this stranger had caught him stealing, the guards did so too. If he hadn't been able to flee, he would have gotten lashes for sure; the King wasn't someone who would allow crimes, large or petty.

"Follow me," the man repeated, lifting one of his eyebrows. "Or I will grab your hand and drag you along with me again."

Reluctantly, Kyuhyun nodded and followed the stranger as he led the way. He just hoped the man wouldn't be some kind of rapist wanting some of Kyuhyun's juicy flavors. 

Then again, in these dark times, there were worse things to worry about.


	2. Chapter 2

The man Kyuhyun had been following for about 15 minutes suddenly stopped his rapid pace, turned left and slowly started climbing a small stairs which led to a front door - the front door of a house which seemed like it could fall apart at any moment.

A small hatch opened as soon as the man had knocked and showed the absentminded eyes of a seemingly older person.

"Password?" a creaky feminine voice asked after a short moment.

"Black raven," the man replied. The door audibly unlocked and the man pushed it open so the 2 of them could walk inside.

An old woman smiled at them from a distance as they walked in and closed the door behind them and Kyuhyun could tell she didn't have any teeth left. He smiled back politely, feeling as if he was intruding on her privacy -not that it had ever bothered him before when he was breaking into people's houses and stole their belongings-, before she turned around and left without even saying a word. Well, that was strange.

The man didn't seem to mind and opened another door in the hallway which revealed a small stairs leading towards the house's basement. He motioned for Kyuhyun to go before him and lead the way.

For a moment, Kyuhyun felt a small spike of fear going through his body. Going into a dark small basement with a complete stranger didn't feel right, _at all_. But he eventually complied as he knew he didn't have many other options and slowly went down the shaky stairs. He could hear the stranger following behind him and he knew there was no way back now.

After what seemed like at least 60 steps, another door came into view. Kyuhyun had never been in a basement before, as he didn't even have a house of his own let alone the luxury of a basement, but he was quite sure basements didn't have doors and weren't this far underground.

He halted for a few seconds before looking back and up towards the stranger, who looked at him impatiently. _What on earth was he waiting for?_

As the stranger didn't feel like waiting much longer, he suddenly passed Kyuhyun on the stairs and opened the door. Bright light instantly greeted Kyuhyun and temporarily blinded him; he was just getting used to the dark stairway he had been in, the light was surely unexpected and definitely unwanted.

"Welcome to our den," the man said, before dragging Kyuhyun inside.

As soon as Kyuhyun was accustomed to the bright light, which eventually only seemed to come from a couple of fire torches, he took some time to look around to evaluate the location and situation he had gotten himself into.

The space he was standing in was a rather large room with wooden walls and no windows, which was quite logical considering they were far underground. There were a couple of doors present on the sides and in the middle of the room was a large wooden round table with several chairs and cushions surrounding it. In the corners of the room were a few couches and what seemed magazines on the small tables that came with it. 

Was this a house? An underground house? 

"Well, it's awkwardly silent here," the man mumbled thoughtfully, more to himself than to Kyuhyun.

"Are you going to rape me?" Kyuhyun blurted out and the man looked at him for a moment before laughing hysterically. He even pointed at Kyuhyun with his finger while trying to catch his breath.

"Why would I- _HAHA_ \- Why would I save you first and then rape you later?" The man hiccupped after a while, using one of his pinkies to wipe away a tear before turning back to his own serious self and scraping his throat. "I'm Kim Heechul by the way, at your service. And who are-"

"Heechul?" 

Heechul looked up to someone who had entered the room behind Kyuhyun, smiled, and walked towards whoever had just said his name. 

"My friend, where have you been?" he asked, and Kyuhyun turned around, curious. Not of whoever just came in per se, but more to what he had gotten himself into.

"Got some information on Jongwoon," the 'friend' answered, before locking eyes with Kyuhyun. "Mind to introduce us?" he asked Heechul, not averting his gaze from Kyuhyun.

"I'd love to," Heechul replied, before staring at Kyuhyun, "but I have no idea who he is," he concluded.

Heechul's friend turned to look at Heechul with what seemed repulsion and Kyuhyun awkwardly fidgeted on his spot. "I'm Kyuhyun. Cho Kyuhyun," he said nearly inaudible.

"He's a thief, we can use his skills," Heechul hastily said, before his friend could ask any questions. "We got caught by the guards though, so I was left no other option but to drag him here with me instantly."

Heechul smiled complacently before walking towards one of the seemingly comfortable couches and slumped down. "I did good," he mumbled to himself. No one really heard it.

"Welcome," Kyuhyun was greeted by the man whose name was still unknown. "I think we owe you an explanation."

Kyuhyun nodded uncomfortably and the man gestured towards the door he had just come out of. "Let's talk."

The man's name was Park Jungsu, leader of an alliance called Civiltry. He said they had made it their duty to protect the people of Haven from the King's madness. The King that was chosen to bring wealth and prosper to the city, but who had only made things worse. He now ruled Haven for 10 years already, 10 years which were marked with sickness, poverty, starvation, and torture; at least for the poor district, the rich never seemed to complain.

Kyuhyun had heard of Civiltry before, but he had never known it was something that really existed. For him and many others, they were only but a myth. Something that gave them hope: a reason to continue living in the hell they were living in.

"We aren't as good as you think we are, though," Jungsu said, as he saw the admiration on Kyuhyun's face. "Many died or left in fear of the King. We are only left with a few, we can't do much."

"Ah," Kyuhyun said in an absent reply, not really believing what Jungsu said as Civiltry was something Kyuhyun had admired and looked up to for years. It had been his hope during dark times, he knew they were good. They just had to be.

"Anyway, as Heechul said before, we can really use your skill. Our last thief..." Jungsu's voice trailed away and Kyuhyun looked at him curiously. What had happened with their last thief? "So, do you think you can help us? You'll be given a-"

"Yes. Yes, I'll join," Kyuhyun eagerly replied. Being part of his heroes, how could he say no?

"Consider it a trial, if you prove yourself to me, you can call yourself a full member."

Kyuhyun nodded, that seemed fair enough.

"How old are you?" Jungsu asked, seemingly worried. Kyuhyun seemed way too young to join them, but Heechul only recruited people he knew were worthy of their cause and good enough to contribute.

"Nearly twenty," came the reply.

"Nineteen..."

"Nearly twenty," Kyuhyun corrected and Jungsu smiled. A sudden knock at the door startled both of them and Kyuhyun turned around to look at the door, as Jungsu stood up.

As the door opened Kyuhyun came face to face with a boy that seemed familiar to him. He wasn't really sure where he knew him from, but he really seemed familiar. Very familiar. _Too familiar._

"Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't know you had company," the familiar person mumbled, already attempting to leave again and close the door.

"Ryeowook, meet Kyuhyun, our new thief on trial. Kyuhyun, meet Ryeowook."

Kyuhyun hastily stood up and bowed to Ryeowook as Ryeowook bowed to him as well. "Nice to meet you," they said in unison.  

"Anything to report?" Jungsu asked, and Ryeowook eyed Kyuhyun for a second. "It's okay, he's part of our team now. There are no secrets within this team," Jungsu reassured Ryeowook, who nodded in reply.

"The gallows, tomorrow at noon together with 4 others," Ryeowook said, turning his eyes to the floor as he noticed Kyuhyun staring at him. Kyuhyun had noticed a glint of anxiousness in the man's eyes before he looked away. "Everyone is allowed to come and watch."

Jungsu nodded, "I was afraid so," he mumbled, taking a short pause before continuing, "don't worry Ryeowook, we'll set him free." Kyuhyun was surprised at how determined and confident Jungsu sounded saying what he had just said.

Ryeowook nodded before leaving the room again.

"You are going to save someone from the gallows?" Kyuhyun asked, still not believing what he had just heard.

"Not me," Jungsu replied, standing up and closing a large book that had been lying open in front of him ever since Kyuhyun'd entered the small office-like room. " _We_ are going to save someone from the gallows."


	3. Chapter 3

For the first time in many years, Kyuhyun was finally given a soft and warm bed to sleep on. It surely was a large improvement, as he had spent more than half of his life on a cold and hard pavement, snuggled up against an even colder building.

However, Kyuhyun didn't sleep.

Kyuhyun was quite certain he had made the wrong decision to join this Civiltry alliance, trial or not. Even though he had idolized this secret alliance and always wished he had been part of it, he now knew they were idiots.

Only idiots make an attempt on saving someone from the gallows.

They'd surprised him when he was asked if he could help out, and he hadn't thought clearly when he had answered. Well, maybe that meant he belonged with Civiltry after all; he surely was just as big of an idiot as they all seemed to be.

Saving someone from the gallows, _what were they thinking?_

Kyuhyun sighed and turned around for the nth time that night. He didn't want to say it out loud, but he had gotten too used to the pavement that the softness of the bed was more of a punishment than a reward. No matter how he was lying, his body couldn't get used to the way it sunk into the soft mattress and how his head sunk into the even softer pillow.

The room's door suddenly opened and Kyuhyun stopped breathing as if he wasn't supposed to be there. Call it a habit, the only time he was inside a house was after he had broken in. and whenever someone suddenly turned up, he had to hide and basically vanish as if he wasn't really there. He had never failed to do so before.

As Kyuhyun slept on the upper bed from a bunk bed, he couldn't help but curse silently as the person who had just walked in happened to chose the bed below Kyuhyun's out of all the empty beds available in the room.

Kyuhyun listened how the person sat down on the bed and sighed loudly. Kyuhyun wondered who it was; Heechul? Ryeowook? Jungsu? He silently leaned over the edge to peak at whoever was below him and was greeted by a pair of brown eyes who stared straight at him, the eyes of someone he had never seen before.

The person fell backwards as soon as he laid eyes on Kyuhyun and breathed heavily, holding his chest in response to the shock.

"You scared the hell out of me!" he semi-shouted, and Kyuhyun instantly moved back and laid on his back, also quite startled. He hadn't known more people slept here -the large number of beds not hinting him at all-, and Kyuhyun didn't really feel comfortable having a complete stranger sleeping right below him. _Below him,_ from all places.

A face suddenly popped up next to Kyuhyun, "You had to pick hyung's bed out of all beds, huh?" he remarked. 

"I... Guess?" he answered, having no idea what the other was trying to indicate. 

Jungsu had told him to pick any bed to sleep in and all beds had been unmade, indicating that they hadn't been preoccupied. As far as he knew, the beds were no one's. 

"I'm Henry Lau by the way, who are you? Are you new? What is your specialty? Did you join today?" Henry asked, eagerly placing his arms on the side of Kyuhyun's chosen bed and staring at him utterly curious. He was a bit too enthusiastic for Kyuhyun's liking, especially at 3 in the morning.

"I'm trying to sleep," he retorted cantankerous, turning away from Henry's smiling face as he spoke. To give more meaning to his gesture and to show that he was being serious, he pulled up his blanket a little more.

"Sorry.." Henry mumbled, before stepping down of his bed back onto the ground. Kyuhyun could hear him undress and laying down in the bed below him. "Goodnight stranger," he mumbled disappointedly.

"Night," Kyuhyun replied loudly, already looking forward to continuing his night without any sleep and with a stranger sleeping right below him. Wasn't he lucky.

_ Henry clutched his bow a little more as he made way towards the upper-class district of Haven. To say that he was anxious was an understatement, but aside from that he was also excited; this was his very first mission for Civiltry as a full member. He had succeeded his trial mere days earlier and couldn't be happier. _

_It came with responsibilities though, and he knew that even though he had just a small thing to do, it could still end up getting dangerous. After all, firing an arrow with a threatening letter at the royal gate wasn't something everyone could do and get away with._

_He glanced back to make sure Jongwoon was following him as he'd promised he would. Even though Henry was now a full member and fully aware of the dangers his job could get him in, Jongwoon had convinced Jungsu to let him trail Henry so he could help him out when needed. Having a sniper in their team was rare and they didn't want to lose him on his first job already._

_Jungsu had agreed, seeming more happy with Jongwoon's suggestion than he should have been, and that had been when Henry started to worry about his duty. If Jungsu believed he should be guarded by one of their oldest and best members, the simple task that was given to him might not be that easy as he had thought all along._

_Henry sighed and clutched his bow even more as he didn't see Jongwoon trailing him. He knew he wasn't supposed to see him anyway, knowing that it was Jongwoon's job to assassinate people and to be unseen by everyone, it still amazed Henry that it was actually possible to be unseen. Then again, Jongwoon might have forgotten he was supposed to follow Henry, and in that case, Henry was indeed alone on the job. Henry silently wished Jongwoon wouldn't have forgotten about him and his very first, possibly dangerous, task._

_As he entered the upper-class district, people started to stare at him. Henry had tried his best to look neat and rich, but he had most likely failed. He wondered if Jungsu had noticed it before Henry had left to do his job, but figured that even if he had, he couldn't have done anything about it anyway. Civiltry wasn't rich; they were lucky to have something to eat for everyone present in the evening._

_"Are you lost, boy?" A man with a high hat asked Henry and came walking up to him._

_"I'm fine," Henry replied rapidly, earning himself a very confused and mildly suspicious look from the man. Henry ignored it and turned to walk away from the man. He had no time for making up excuses, neither was he interested in chatting with any of these rich jerks with gold high up in their asses._

_It was quite a long distance walk, luckily mostly uninterrupted, but eventually Henry saw what he was looking for. The castle of the King, mightily rising above all other buildings. The gate wasn't in view yet, but he knew it couldn't be very far away._

_Looking around, he searched for a spot he could sit at and aim at the gate without being disturbed by some guards or other people with possible questions. He was amazed they'd let him walk with his bow in the first place, but then again, having a weapon in this city wasn't anything rare. And probably because he was still young and, to Henry's honest opinion, his face was too cute to do bad; they probably just ignored him walking with it in the upper-class district, because in their eyes he couldn't possibly mean any harm._

_As he noticed a higher platform, which was probably being used by some workers to renovate the building it was put against, he sighed in relief. He had no idea what he would have done if he couldn't find a good spot._

_He climbed on the platform, noticing it was completely abandoned when he reached the top, before turning towards the castle. It was as if someone had built this platform just for his job; he had the best view on the gate he could have. He was mildly worried about the guards though, as there were a lot more in front of the gate as he'd guessed there would be. But he already had a solution: he would shoot and even before they could notice the arrow drilled in their guarded wooden gate, he would have climbed down already. No one would ever suspect him; he had a cute face, remember?_

_Henry made sure the letter was attached properly to his arrow before grabbing his bow and aiming carefully. He didn't want to hit any guard of human, of course, as his intention was not to kill and hopefully would never be, either._

_As soon as he let go of the arrow and the string, he lowered his bow and watched the arrow hitting the exact spot he had aimed for; his mission was succeeded._

_But before he could climb down unnoticed, a guard already pointed at him. Henry had completely overseen the fact that if an arrow travels towards you and hits right next to you, it would mean you could see where it came from even before the arrow hit its mark. They wouldn't first turn to the gate to investigate and buying Henry time, as that couldn't possibly be their number one priority._

_'Fuck' Henry mumbled, sliding down the wooden stairs that led up to the platform, before running away hastily. He took some unexpected turns and hoped the guards would lose sight of him that way._

_He ran and ran, ending up in a long and small alley, when he suddenly bumped into someone or something and fell backward. He looked up to see who or what it was and froze._

_"Well, well," a guard said, smirking at the young man on the ground in front of him. "I believe you are who we are looking for."_

_"I don't- What- I-" Henry could hear his voice failing and trembled. Behind him, more guards appeared and he knew he wouldn't make it out of here. There had to be at least 10 of them. Maybe 20, even. And as a sniper, there was no way he could even try fighting his way out of it as he had no idea how to perform close combat._

_"Stand up," the guard ordered, pulling Henry's collar impatiently and helping him up by semi choking him. He coughed when he was released._

_"I was just joking, please let me go," Henry tried, knowing they hadn't read the letter yet and he could perfectly fine go for a teenager pulling some bad jokes like teenagers do. His cute face could still be of help in this situation._

_"We'll let Minho decide on th-"_

_The sudden sounds of sharp blades cutting through flesh startled Henry even though he knew Jongwoon had been, or should have been, following him. He looked up and saw 4 guards on the ground, blood streaming out of them, and Jongwoon right in front of him. The later grabbed his hand and dragged him out of the group and alley._

_"Leave," he said, releasing Henry's hand and looking at him as soon as they halted. Both of them turned back towards the guards and saw them closing in on them again. Due to the sudden attack, it had taken them a short time to realize Jongwoon and Henry had fled the scene._

_"But-" Henry started, unable to finish his sentence as Jongwoon interrupted him._

_"I'll take care of this, you did what you had to. Go, I'll follow shortly," Jongwoon said, and Henry nodded in return before turning around and running away. He glanced back once, only to see a lot of blood, falling guards and the glimmering of swung swords and thrown knives. Jongwoon would be okay, he always was._

_Henry returned back at the den quite sometime later, not having stopped running ever since he had left Jongwoon alone with the guards. As soon as he stepped in, many looked at him curiously, wondering how his first job had gone._

_"I did it," he replied the wondering eyes. All of them stood up instantly and petted him on his shoulder or attempted to rub his hair -which Henry skillfully dodged, no one should touch his hair, it's holy- as a way to congratulate him with his first succeeded job. "But, there was a problem," he mumbled._

_"What problem?" Jungsu asked, the celebrating atmosphere instantly dying down. It had been an easy job, there shouldn't have been any problems._

_Henry bit his lower lip nervously, "The guards saw me. I couldn't escape, so Jongwoon had to step in and save me." He earned a couple of understanding and approving nods. "He'll be alright, right?" Henry couldn't help but worry about Jongwoon's safety._

_"I'm sure he will," Heechul replied, smiling to reassure the younger a little. "Just wait, he'll walk through that door soon enough, unharmed as usual."_

_But hours passed, and no one walked in as Heechul had said. The atmosphere thickened at every minute passing, worry setting in more and more._

_The door suddenly opened and everyone heaved a sigh, relieved. But when they looked up, it wasn't Jongwoon staring at them; it was Ryeowook, and he looked far from relieved. "Jongwoon, they got him."_

Henry woke up with a more than uncomfortable feeling as Ryeowook's spoken words still echoed in his ears. His body was wet from sweating as well as shaking uncontrollably.

His mind kept repeating the events of a couple of days ago every single night since it had happened, making Henry relive the dreadful event over and over again. It had been the day he had succeeded his very first mission, but due to a mistake had also failed miserably. 

And due to his mistake, Jongwoon would die today. At least, he was supposed to die today, as Jungsu had nicely said last night before Henry went to bed. Jungsu had assured Henry that they would save Jongwoon from the gallows, but Henry doubted they would be able to pull that off. 

And if they didn't... Henry was quite sure he wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. 

Henry stretched before stepping out of bed and went straight for the en-suite bathroom; he needed a shower. The water was cold, but it didn't bother Henry much. Actually, ever since that event, nothing seemed to bother Henry anymore. But he knew he had to act his bubbly happy self to the others as he didn't want them to worry over him. They had other things to worry about right now. And besides, it was his own burden to bear.

After the short shower, Henry hastily dried himself before stepping back into the bedroom.

"Good morning to you," someone said dryly, startling Henry as he had assumed he was alone. He looked down rapidly and noticed he hadn't put a towel around him before stepping out. _Okay, so something did bother him after all._

He hastily ran back into the bathroom, grabbed his towel from the floor, and wrapped it around him before returning to the bedroom.

"Bit late, don't you think?"

Henry looked around to see who exactly had spoken to him and was greeted by the same person he had tried to have a conversation with last night; the stranger who'd slept on his hyung's bed. _Jongwoon's bed._

"I'm sorry," he mumbled and the to Henry still unknown boy laughed genuinely at him before leaving the bedroom as he had already attempted to do before Henry suddenly surprised him by walking in butt naked. 

Henry already had a horrible feeling about this day.

As soon as he had dressed properly and fixed his hair, he also stepped out and was greeted by many familiar faces. Usually it wasn't this busy at their hide-out, especially on a Wednesday, but today was a special day and it seemed that most of the members had been called in and reported for duty despite that not everyone agreed with saving Jongwoon. It's not that they didn't like him, but they had good valid reasons.

Someone clapping his hands to silence the crowd made Henry glance around. He noticed the unknown boy from last night awkwardly standing next to a clapping Jungsu. Heechul stood in a corner, together with Youngwoon. Hyukjae and Donghae sat together as usual, however this time they seemed rather serious while usually they were bubbly and happy just like Henry. He liked them a lot for that. Donghee and Sungmin stood next to the couch Hyukjae and Donghae sat on and were already focused on Jungsu. And lastly, Siwon and Han Geng were present, standing in another corner; it surprised Henry as they usually weren't part of group missions as far as he knew.

Ryeowook, for obvious reasons, and a few more were missing.

"I know this isn't something we usually do, but I want to thank you all for supporting our next mission," Jungsu said, seemingly thankful towards his members. "I think it's best for us to discuss things in the war room," he continued, gesturing towards a door to his right.

Everyone mumbled in agreement and Jungsu smiled, though it seemed staged. 

As they all made way towards the large war room, Henry couldn't help but sigh. He still had a bad feeling about everything and he just hoped that it would remain merely a feeling and not turn into a premonition. Because if things went wrong today and members died due to a mistake caused by Henry many days ago, he knew he would never forgive himself.


	4. Chapter 4

Kyuhyun had no idea whether he was supposed to follow everyone inside of the war room or not. He wasn't sure if being on trial was enough for him to be part of the alliance's meetings. But then again, Jungsu had said ' _we are going to save someone from the gallows_ ' yesterday to Kyuhyun and the ' _we_ ' surely indicating that Kyuhyun was definitely to be involved in the plan.

After contemplating it a couple more times, Kyuhyun eventually decided he was indeed welcome and followed some bulky dude inside, before closing the door behind him as he was the final person to walk in.

He looked around hesitantly and couldn't find any empty chair for him to sit on. The room was large and the table that stood in the middle of the room was surrounded by many seated alliance members. Kyuhyun wondered if these were all the members there were and if that would mean they would be one seat short, as Kyuhyun was probably not yet really accounted for.

Then suddenly, some movement on his left caught his attention. He turned to see whom or what was desperately trying to get him to look that way and saw Henry, the boy he had seen a bit _too much_ from this morning, waving at him furiously. As soon as  Henry noticed he was looking at him, he pointed at an empty chair next to him and motioned for Kyuhyun to come over and sit on it.

Kyuhyun didn't wait one more second and rushed over to Henry before anyone could notice him awkwardly standing in a corner while everyone else was seated down properly. As he slumped down on the last remaining empty chair in the room, he turned to Henry and mouthed a ' _thank you_ '. Henry replied with a nod and a smile before turning back to Jungsu, who had just stood up and scraped his throat to gain everyone's attention.

"We have 3 hours to prepare everything, let's hurry shall we?" Jungsu said and before Kyuhyun knew it he was listening to many members discussing a plan that sounded _that outrageous_ that Kyuhyun mildly wondered if everyone involved had some sort of death wish. 

"I really don't feel comfortable doing this," Kyuhyun mumbled to Henry and a dude named Hyukjae who had tagged along as well. "If this plan succeeds and everyone lives including the person we are ought to save from the _freaking gallows_ I will personally bake my clothes and _eat them_."

He continued to fiddle some window frames to find an easy way to get in the house they were standing in front of. They had around 1 more hour until the plaza they were at would be swamped with people, including the King, who would all come to see five people dying as if it was a nice way to spend your afternoon.

"You shouldn't underestimate Jungsu's plan, he knows what he's doing," Hyukjae replied, a little angrily because this new kid was doubting their old experienced leader. This new kid, who had just been introduced to the rest of the team as Cho Kyuhyun, their new thief.

"Don't worry Kyuhyun, your only job is to get some of us up there," Henry briefly paused and pointed up to the roof, "and you'll be done. You can leave after and you'll be completely safe," Henry smiled at him reassuringly. "For all it matters, you'll never be put in danger during your trial, Jungsu will make sure of that."

Kyuhyun still wasn't convinced but decided to not bother about it for now. He wanted to be far away from this place before the ceremony would start, and thus he had one house left to break into and only limited time to do so.

He sighed in relief as one of the windows unexpectedly opened without any effort -the other house he had broken into 15 minutes earlier hadn't allowed him this luck - and smirked at Hyukjae and Henry. The later patted him on the shoulder as a way to tell him he did well, Hyukjae however only snorted before going inside the empty house and made way towards the roof quickly.

"Maybe you should come up with us after all," Henry said from within the house to Kyuhyun, who was about to turn around and return to the alliance's shelter (read: safety). "It might help you to see us all in action; I know you want out, I can see the hesitance and fear in your eyes."

Kyuhyun turned back to Henry, a smile plastered on his face, ready to decline his offer, when suddenly music started playing. Henry's face turned slightly pale and he pulled Kyuhyun through the window inside the house before closing it.

"No choice, the ceremony is starting," he mumbled, before hastily going after Hyukjae, who was already stationed on the roof.

_ Fuck. _

Kyuhyun closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath to assure himself everything would be okay. And if not, he could always grab a pan from the house's kitchen and hit himself on the head with it and hope people would mistake him as the owner of the house who had been knocked out by the alliance members as they broke into his house. 

Yeah, that sounded like a plan.

It took forty-five minutes for the plaza to nearly completely fill up. The gallows with five ropes hanging from it had already been placed at the plaza the day before - at least that's what Kyuhyun guessed - and he knew three alliance members were hiding underneath it. But even with that knowledge, no matter how hard he tried he couldn't see them. The wood really shielded them from being seen, and he couldn't help but hope it would remain as such when those that had gotten the death sentence would be brought up to their respective rope.

Even though the plan sounded outrageous, he still had some lingering hope that one day the alliance would save everyone from the King's rule. If they could pull this plan off, his faith in the alliance could be slightly restored again.

It would give him a reason to stay a little while longer without feeling like a complete lunatic for even considering helping them out.

It would be a 'low drop' as Jungsu had explained at the meeting, which most members sighed about in relief. Kyuhyun wasn't really sure if that would be better though. A 'long drop' would mean breaking your neck when the fall ended and dying instantly, but a 'low drop' would mean they had to suffocate by the rope itself, which could take up to twenty minutes, if not longer. 

Then again, having people suffering for twenty minutes would probably be a much better show and scare for the people who had come to watch.

A sudden familiar face next to the King, who had just walked up to his special throne with possibly the best view, made Kyuhyun look twice before believing what he saw.

"Isn't that-" he turned to ask Henry or Hyukjae, whoever was listening, but he stopped his question as he couldn't remember the boy's name clearly.

Hyukjae walked forward to look over the edge, "Ryeowook? Of course, he's the son of the King. He's obligated to attend these ridiculous events."

He said it as if Kyuhyun should have known.

"So.. He's the Prince?"

Hyukjae nodded absently before returning to his previous spot. He was working on some final arrangements before the ceremony would start and they didn't have a lot of time left. Henry was also preoccupied with what he had to do and thus Kyuhyun turned to look at some other rooftop. Heechul and a bulky dude named Youngwoon, who Kyuhyun had helped up the roof of another house earlier, were already done with their preparations and were watching as the plaza filled up even more.

Youngwoon briefly looked Kyuhyun's way and their eyes met. He stuck up his thumb and Kyuhyun did the same, not sure if it was meant to say everything would be okay, or to say that they had been done preparing as well. If it was the later, Kyuhyun had just basically said Henry and Hyukjae were done, even though they really weren't. Youngwoon seemed to scan the roof before laughing and looking back towards the plaza again.

Was he really not worried at all about what was to come?

Sudden music playing again made Kyuhyun forget his worries and he looked down at the plaza. People cheered as five people with bags over their heads were lead towards the gallows and placed in front of a rope. A sick feeling lingered in Kyuhyun's stomach and he wondered what these people had done to die in front of this many people, who were basically acting as if they were on a happy day out. They were no more than a show; a sick show, if you asked Kyuhyun.

A guard pulled off the bags and Kyuhyun was shocked to see those that would die soon. He saw one older woman, 2 average aged men, 1 younger man but still an adult, and 1 boy who couldn't be older than 14.

"It's my fault, you know?" Henry suddenly said, startling Kyuhyun who nearly fell down the roof. Henry was standing next to him, also staring at the gallows.

As he noticed Kyuhyun looking at him confused, and weirdly enough very shocked, he continued. "He's going to die because of me."

"Don't worry Henry, he won't die today," Hyukjae said cogently, placing his hand on Henry's shoulder as he came to stand behind him.

 "Which one are we going to save?" Kyuhyun asked, seizing his chance now they were all standing near the edge and watching five probably terrified to-death-convicted people.

"The middle one," Hyukjae mumbled, and Kyuhyun locked his eyes on the younger man who looked straight towards the crowd in front of him, his face emotionless. 

"How about the older woman? And the child?"

But before anyone could answer him, the King spoke loudly and the crowd silenced down to make sure they didn't miss anything.

"Welcome, my dear citizens. We have gathered-" The King started.

"Get ready to see us in action," Hyukjae whispered to Kyuhyun, and Kyuhyun gulped.

This could _not_ end well.

Things escalated extremely quickly. Before he knew it, Kyuhyun was being dragged out of the house and far away from the plaza by Henry.

"What the fuck was that for?" Kyuhyun asked Henry, who was still dragging him with his sweaty hand holding onto Kyuhyun's. "Did we succeed already?"

"We'll find out soon," was all Henry said. Worry lingered in his eyes as he briefly made eye contact with Kyuhyun; his face was pale and Kyuhyun wondered if he felt as sick as he looked.

They reached Civiltry's hide-out mere minutes later, and Henry hastily mumbled the password to the old lady who then allowed them into her house. They walked into an empty alliance shelter and sunk down onto the first couch they came by.

Kyuhyun soon noticed Henry shaking quite obviously and couldn't help but worry over him. He was, after all, the older one and he knew he was ought to take care of the younger. "Are you okay?" he asked, even though the answer was pretty obvious.

"If we fail- If he dies-" A sudden sob surprised Kyuhyun and he awkwardly placed his arm around the younger as a way to comfort him. He really wasn't really close to anyone, he had never ever comforted someone in his life before.

"There, there," he mumbled, unable to think of anything else to say. Henry took it as his cue to launch himself at Kyuhyun and to hug him dearly, still shaking but obviously soothed by Kyuhyun's awkwardness. 

Kyuhyun couldn't help but feel proud of himself; he was a natural at anything really.

"I'm sure the plan will work out," Kyuhyun said into Henry's hair, whose shaking was reducing steadily. " You shouldn't underestimate Jungsu's plan, he knows what he's doing," he repeated Hyukjae's words with a bad imitation of the later and earned a chuckle from Henry who released Kyuhyun from his grip.

"I'm sorry, it's just all the tensions from the last couple of days," he explained, wiping away a tear that had escaped his eye and smiled reassuringly. "You and Hyukjae-hyung are right, Jungsu knows what he's doing."

Henry turned to sit straight again, placed his feet on the table in front of them and leaned back into the couch comfortably before staring up at the wooden ceiling. "Everything will be fine," he mumbled, a shy smile on his face as he dreamed away.

And even though Kyuhyun highly doubted it would be okay and had only said what he said to make Henry feel better, he nodded in reply as Henry glanced over at him for one final reassurance.

If only Kyuhyun was as easily convinced as Henry was.

Heechul glanced over at Hyukjae, who instantly gestured to him that the 2 youngest members had left. They had decided to let Henry and Kyuhyun return to the hide-out before things would get out of hand, because they simply were too young to see people get hanged. 

Well, _Henry_ was too young to see _Jongwoon_ get hanged. Kyuhyun was just new and should not be allowed in a dangerous situation. _Yet._

The mission had been well on the way and even though Henry had complained about leaving early, he had been convinced by Hyukjae that it was for the better; it was to let their mission succeed so they could save Jongwoon and not lose anyone else in the process.

He had reluctantly left, dragging a confused Kyuhyun with him, but not after threatening Hyukjae that if he failed to save Jongwoon, he would single-handedly murder him. Hyukjae hadn't budged at all, but nodded at it anyway to make sure Henry would indeed leave instead of staying near to be able to help out when he deemed it was necessary. They could not risk it.

Donghee, Sungmin, and Siwon were in the middle of the crowd, acting drunk but not yet causing any real distraction. They were awaiting the King's signal to continue the execution. 

Heechul hoped Jongwoon would see their 3 members and understood it was all an act to save him, but he doubted he did. The man seemed anything but relieved, even though he tried to seem uncaring. Heechul had known Jongwoon for a very long time, yet he had never seen him this frightened in his life before.

"May death release you!" The King pronounced, and Heechul gulped; this was it.

The wooden hatches that had been closed underneath the five people about to be hanged opened, causing them to fall down slightly before the rope closed around their necks. Desperately, some of them tried to scream, but no sound came out. Others wiggled around in hopes of the rope loosening, but it only tightened more.

Donghee, Sungmin, and Siwon were a bit taken aback by the whole scene but soon acted out their task. They started making a lot of sounds, threw bottles of liquor around and yelled insults at the King. People turned around to look at them, including the King, and temporarily lost eye contact with the dying five.

Heechul and Hyukjae aimed their bows at some guards, just in case it was needed to protect their fake-drunk members, while Youngwoon grabbed a large heavy ax and started to swing it around.

Even though it was quite a distance he had to throw it, he was convinced he could easily cut Jongwoon's rope and let him fall down to the members who stood below the gallows, who could then free him.

Despite knowing that if he missed his target, their whole plan would be ruined and Jongwoon could even be beheaded, he didn't worry. 

As some guards made way towards Donghee, Sungmin and Siwon, Ryeowook knew exactly what the plan was and tried his best to distract his father from looking at the gallows. Heechul hissed an impatient " _do it!_ " to Youngwoon, and after swinging his ax around one more time, he let go of it and watched it as it traveled towards Jongwoon, who didn't even notice it coming as he had already fallen unconscious by the lack of air.


	5. Chapter 5

_"I don't want to die, I don't want to die," an old lady repeated. Over and over again, for two days straight, that had been all she said without allowing herself even a second of rest. Ever since she knew she was ought to die by the gallows, it had been all her mind was captivated with._

_Jongwoon felt sorry for her. It's not that he didn't mind he was going to die at the exact same day, time and even on the exact same place and way as the older woman, but he had always known he was risking his life with what he did. This poor old lady hadn't had a clue when she had allowed a young stranger into her house as he had knocked on her door in utter panic._

_The 13-year old boy, who had knocked on her door, had just stolen a few apples from a market booth and was running from the guards that had caught him doing it. It's not like he'd had any other option though, his family was starving and the poor boy had wanted to help them out by providing them with food. At least, that's what he had told Jongwoon when he wanted to share his story because the poor boy couldn't deal with it on his own any longer._

_Now he was convicted to the gallows, standing next to the woman who had unknowingly tried to hide him and therefore unknowingly committed an inexcusable crime. And each time the older lady repeated her pleading sentence, the boy cried because he knew he had condemned her and hurt not only his family, but also hers; she had 2 daughters and 5 grandchildren._

_The stories of the two older men who would undergo the same fate as Jongwoon, the young boy and the older lady mere hours from now, he didn't know. But he doubted they had done anything near what he had done._

_He had betrayed the King, in much more ways than the King even knew. The King even personally had come to see him right after the guards had told him his conviction. And he had smiled at it._

_He had been happy with it; he could finally finish what he had started many, many years ago._

_And Jongwoon was ready to face the bitter truth. This... This would be his end._

Jongwoon hastily glanced around the crowd as soon as the fetid bag was lifted off of his head. It's not that he had expected to see any alliance members there, whether it was for watching him die or saving him, but he had secretly hoped for it.

His hope, however, was crushed quite rapidly.

But he understood. The first rule that Jungsu had decided on for the alliance was that a left behind man would never be saved. They couldn't risk it, as it could endanger their entire mission and potentially blow their cover. Jongwoon had applauded the rule when it was set, and he still did, even though it would mean he would soon be forgotten and probably never make it into the history books; something he'd secretly wished to accomplish for years.

As he glanced around, it hurt him how people dared to celebrate their upcoming deaths. He didn't mind about his own, but the poor older lady and the young boy didn't deserve to die under the seeing eye of celebrating people. Yet everyone seemed to care as much about them as they did about him.

They didn't care _at all_.

As the older lady next to him started sobbing, overwhelmed by the number of people who had come to see them die and mere stress, Jongwoon focused on his breathing and staying calm. He knew the King was watching him in particular and he didn't want to fuel the King's happiness about his upcoming death by showing any more emotion than necessary.

He didn't deserve to see Jongwoon's fear, which he did feel slightly in the pit of his stomach as the ropes were put around their necks loosely.

"May death release you!" The King suddenly pronounced, the crowd screaming even louder than they had before.

Jongwoon could hear the older lady standing next to him starting to completely panic and her breathing becoming unsteady even more. The older man on his other side let out a soft fearful noise, and briefly Jongwoon wondered again about what the man had done to deserve this fate.

But before he could think about it more, the hatch below him opened and he fell. He fell just for a couple of centimeters, but it was still enough for the rope to tighten harshly around his neck and taking his last opportunity to take a deep breath away.

He didn't struggle like the old woman next to him. He didn't try to scream like the man next to him. He just hung and allowed it to go by.

At least that was his plan. As soon as he noticed he couldn't breathe while his body screamed for air, he panicked.  He struggled for air, much needed air, but no matter how hard he tried, nothing came in. His lungs were completely devoid of air and the more he tried to breathe, the more they seemed to hurt.

After struggling for what felt like an hour, his vision started to turn black around the corners, and as if that was his cue, he stopped trying. He stopped thinking. _He stopped hoping._

As his vision went completely black, he suddenly had the feeling he was slipping into an odd dream. His body seemed to fall and fall. He shortly realized that a never-ending fall would be the last thing he felt and thought of; it was nothing as the stories said. 

He never saw his life flashing by in front of his eyes. The happy moments to remember never came to him.

Henry impatiently paced back and forth through the room, occasionally checking the clock that hung on the wall.

"Is that thing even working?" he eventually asked, cantankerously, to no one in particular. He walked towards it, harshly pulled it off the wall and threw it on the floor in pure frustration. 

"It did, but it never will again," Kyuhyun mumbled dispiritedly, watching as parts of the clock rolled past him on the floor; some parts disappeared under the couch he was sitting on while others traveled as far as to the other side of the room.

Henry sighed and slumped back on the couch for the nth time that day, even though it wasn't even fifteen minutes ago since they had returned from the roof.

"Maybe something went wrong," Henry said pensively, "We need to go back!"

He already marched towards the door confidently, but Kyuhyun stood up hastily and grabbed him by his collar before pulling him back crudely. He didn't really know why, but he felt like he should.

"I doubt a failing thief and a still rather new archer would do them any good," he reasoned, looking Henry in his overly worried eyes. "We should-"

"Archer? I'm not just an archer. I'm a sniper. I could have easily aimed for the rope and freed him already," Henry said, convinced by his own words. "I bet Youngwoon failed, and we all know he's too stubborn to bring a second ax. He just doomed Jongwoon."

The more Henry said, the more angry he seemed to become. Kyuhyun tried hard to understand Henry's feelings, but he really couldn't. He couldn't imagine caring about someone enough to be this freaked out over their fate.

"Please, Kyuhyun..." Henry suddenly said, his voice smaller than before, nearly fragile even. "I can't do this on my own."

"Let's wait a little longer, huh? I'm sure Youngwoon didn't fail his task," Kyuhyun said, soothingly. Henry sighed dejectedly and walked back towards the couch.

"I love him, you know?" Henry mumbled, as soon as Kyuhyun came sitting next to him, pleased by how he had consulted Henry once again; like a professional.

"Sorry?" He asked, not sure if he had heard it right.

"I love him. More than you can ever imagine."

And Kyuhyun had no idea how to reply to that.

"Jongwoon!" Jungsu hissed impatiently, as he pinched Jongwoon's skin with brutal force to get him to wake up - a trick Changmin had taught him a long time ago. It had already been 15 seconds since Youngwoon had successfully flung his ax onto Jongwoon's rope and the latter had fallen down, hitting his head on some wood in the process.

Small hatches be damned. This surely wasn't going to help him wake up easier, the three of them silently realized, as they noticed some blood running from underneath Jongwoon's hair.

They couldn't wait much longer though. If Jongwoon didn't wake up by himself, they had to carry him out of here before the guards would reach them. They were hidden underneath the gallows, yes, but people would surely have noticed Jongwoon had gone missing by now and that a rather large ax had taken his place.

And if the guards were any smart, they would already understand that this was a rescue operation and that Jongwoon wasn't all on his own underneath the gallows.

Despite Siwon, Donghee and Sungmin's distraction, the guards would most likely arrive soon. Having come up with the plan, Jungsu had predicted the distraction to be annoying enough for the guards to enter the crowd and to remove their three members from the scene. For the guards to run back through the crowd to underneath the gallows would take them at least 30 seconds, buying them a little more time.

"This isn't going to work," Han Geng concluded the obvious, as Jongwoon remained motionless on the ground despite their leader's forceful attempts to wake him up. 

Han Geng quickly grabbed Jongwoon's arms and raised the later on his back cautiously. "Where to?" He asked, glancing around warily to make sure they weren't seen by anyone.

"My house," Donghae replied, hurriedly leading them away from the gallows, making sure to stay out of view from anyone they didn't know.

Jungsu was mildly happy that the King liked attention. Because of this, the King always made sure his torture and execution devices were big and made with a lot of detail. Those details were hiding them from the crowd as they hastily carried Jongwoon away from the gallows. It was their way to escape unseeingly.

However, Jungsu also realized that because no one had ever attempted to save someone from a death penalty before, they had been in the advantage. The element of surprise served them well today, but it also meant that from now on, this could never happen again.

The King surely would raise the number of guards on watch during another event like this and it would become nearly impossible to save someone unseeingly again. The next rescue operation would most likely be too risky to undertake.

As they ran into a small alley, Jongwoon made a groaning sound which indicated he was about to come back to his senses. 

"Jongwoon?" Jungsu asked with a soft voice, as Donghae continued to lead the way and Han Geng was completely focused on following Donghae and staying out of sight of anyone unknown.

Jongwoon turned his head to make eye-contact with Jungsu, his head throbbing and his eyes fluttering shut again. He mildly wondered what on earth had happened to his head to feel this way, before he realized he was being carried by someone and he wasn't dead as he had expected to be.

He had never expected to wake up again.

The realization was enough for him to come back to his senses completely and Jungsu tapped Han Geng's shoulder as an indicator to let Jongwoon walk on his own. If they would be seen by anyone, it would be less suspicious if they were just 4 men walking, instead of 3 men running and one man being carried on someone's back with his head bleeding as it did.

No words were spoken until they finally reached Donghae's house. Donghae's older brother Donghwa opened the door and they rushed in without explanation. Donghwa warily eyed them all for a second before deciding not to ask any questions. Donghae was old enough to not do anything stupid and to make the right decisions on his own.

Seeing some blood running down Jongwoon's head nearly made him change his mind, but after telling himself again that his little brother was an adult now, he closed the door behind them and went upstairs to his room again; he didn't even want to know.

As soon as Donghae's mother left to the kitchen to get all of them something to drink after a brief explanation ( _read: excuse_ ) of why they were there, Jongwoon looked at Jungsu angrily. 

"What the _fuck_ did you do?"

Even the day after the successful operation, the mood remained good at the Civiltry hide-out. 

Yesterday, when most members had returned, Jungsu shared the news that Jongwoon was safe and staying over at Donghae's house for 1 night before he would return _'home_ ' as well. It would be safer to not move him yet, as they knew guards would be on the lookout for him and they also knew the square their hide-out was located underneath, as they were far underground, was known by the guards as the section Civiltry _could_ be located at.

The guards had even once initiated a search of all houses on the square, but it had been blown off for whatever reason. Some say Ryeowook was behind it, but no one really knows for sure, even the Civiltry members are unaware of the reason.

Henry had cried a little when Jungsu had announced Jongwoon was safe and sound, and they had all laughed at him before comforting him and celebrating the good news the rest of the day. It wasn't until early in the morning of the next day that they decided it was time they should go to sleep. 

Some members left, probably to their own houses, while others remained and stayed over to sleep in some of the available beds.

It had never been this busy in the bedroom, Kyuhyun noted, as he scanned his eyes around the room. On nearly all the beds a member was sleeping soundly, while Kyuhyun was unable to fall asleep himself.

It's not that he wasn't tired - he was extremely ( _!_ ) tired - but he couldn't stand Hyukjae's snoring. It had kept him up for hours already and he couldn't help but stare at Hyukjae while hoping it would awaken him. Kyuhyun was more than familiar with the feeling of eyes burning holes in you while you were sound asleep, and he hoped it would be just as uneasy for Hyukjae as it had been for him in the past.

As Hyukjae suddenly stirred and stopped his snoring, Kyuhyun hastily lay back down again and listened. He could hear Hyukjae mumbling something to himself before stirring and what seemed to be turning around in his bed. The snoring soon reached Kyuhyun's ears again and he sighed.

That hadn't worked the way he had hoped it would.

It took several more hours before Kyuhyun could sigh in relief. Members had slowly woken up taken a shower before leaving to, what Kyuhyun liked to call, the living room.

Pleased with the delightful silence that was now finally in the room as Kyuhyun was the only member left, he turned on his side and smiled before finally drifting into a well-deserved sleep.

Jongwoon had been mad at Jungsu after the later had explained to him they had rescued him from his death. He had screamed to Jungsu that he had been an idiot to risk all these precious lives just to save his.

He had then turned to Han Geng and had screamingly asked why on earth he had participated, before he noticed the tears welling up in Donghae's eyes. He had looked at the younger quite uneasily before he sat back down, mumbling a sorry and explaining that he just didn't like them breaking important rules; he was a man of rules, they knew that. 

Jungsu had just patted him on his back and told him Donghae would accompany him to their hide-out tomorrow, before dragging Han Geng with him after saying goodbye to Donghae's mom, who was eying Jongwoon rather suspiciously.

Jongwoon had felt guilty and had thanked her for allowing him to stay, but she had walked away after he had muttered his gratefulness and didn't even look at him.

 _'Shouldn't have screamed in her house,'_ Donghae had said after seeing Jongwoon's astonished face, his tears long dried up and with a bright smile present on his face.

Jongwoon hadn't been able to sleep that night and when Donghae finally woke up at noon, they hastily ate some food -despite that Jongwoon was far from hungry- before making way towards the Civiltry hide-out.

It surprised them they didn't run into any guard on the way, but it wasn't much to their concern and they just seized the opportunity to get to their hide-out faster.

As they walked down the dreadfully long stairs, Jongwoon wondered what he was supposed to say. Should he thank everyone for saving him? Should he thank them for being stupid enough to risk their lives to save his? He didn't know. He was still mad at Jungsu for allowing such idiotic rescuing to take place, but he _knew_ he had to be thankful instead of angry. What they had done wasn't just something to take for granted.

"Ready?" Donghae asked, looking back at his hyung inquisitively. He had noticed Jongwoon's concern even before they had left his parental house. Jongwoon nodded firmly and Donghae swung the door open.

"Here we are!" he screamed, happily and much to Jongwoon's dismay.

"Hyung!" "How are you?" he heard a few people directing their words towards him, but before he could register who said what, two arms surrounded his waist and pulled him into a tight hug. The scent of the man was more than familiar to Jongwoon and he remained unmoved and completely still as the man mumbled an _'I'm happy you are okay'_ before pulling away a full minute later.

Briefly, Jongwoon's and Ryeowook's eyes met, before Ryeowook turned his gaze to the ground and walked away towards the door Jongwoon and Donghae had just entered into. It's not that he had expected any reaction from Jongwoon, but he never stopped hoping for one. Any reaction would do. Even an angry one. Ryeowook was just tired of feeling nonexistent; he didn't deserve to be nonexistent after everything they had gone through together.

After Ryeowook left, the awkward atmosphere changed and everyone launched at Jongwoon simultaneously. 

"How are you?"

"Are you okay?" 

"That seems nasty!" 

"Hyung, I'm so sorry, it was all my fault!"

"Looking good," Heechul smirked to Jongwoon, trailing the bruise that was clearly visible on the latter's neck with his cold pointy finger. The rope had left a mark that Jongwoon would walk around with for quite a long time, Heechul predicted.

Ignoring everyone else, Jongwoon smirked back at his friend. They hugged, but just briefly as they didn't like hugging for too long. 

"Makes me look more manly, huh? You should get yourself a death sentence next time," Jongwoon replied his friend's remark, indicating that Heechul could use something to look more manly as well and Heechul smiled genuinely at it. He wouldn't admit it fast, but he had missed teasing back and forth with his equally as stubborn friend.

Jongwoon talked a little to everyone, a little longer to Henry as he noticed how upset Henry had been and how guilty he had felt over the entire thing. 

They asked him about the stuff he had experienced. How it had been in the cellar, whether he had been given any food, how he was told about his death sentence... And despite that Jongwoon was tired, because he hadn't slept for days as he had been unable to, he answered all questions obediently.

However, when they started to ask about the day he was caught, he stood up. "I'm tired, I'm going to sleep."

Some disappointed faces stared at him, but understanding lingered in their eyes. As they bid him a good sleep, Jongwoon walked over to the Civiltry bedroom and was about to open the door before turning around. "Thanks, by the way," he said, nonchalantly. He then opened the door and walked into the bedroom towards his bed.

Happy he had been able to restrain his anger and even muttered a thanks to his beloved alliance members.

Kyuhyun dreamed. He dreamed about food, silly games and his friends he used to have when he was younger and not living yet on the streets. Carefree, that's what he was in the dream. And carefree was far from what he was in the awake world. And that alone made this dream the best he had had in years.

He didn't want to stop dreaming, but a sudden crackle woke him up roughly.

He wasn't used to the dim lighting that was present in the room yet, but he could distinguish a shadow hovering over him and trying to crawl into his bed. Kyuhyun didn't think twice before he used both feet to kick the intruder away from him harshly.

A scream, a scrape, a groan and the sound of something snapping in two made Kyuhyun realize that maybe he had made a stupid mistake. He innocently glanced over the side of his bed to see no other than the man they had saved from the gallows yesterday on the ground; back awkwardly bent over the lower bed he had fallen against.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry!" Kyuhyun semi-yelled, before sitting up and contemplating whether he should get out of bed to help, or to leave the man -what was his name again. Jongwoon?- to deal with it on his own. 

"No problem," Jongwoon groaned, standing up with his knees still shaking off the sudden shock. "I got hanged yesterday, what's another kick in the chest."

Kyuhyun noticed the rope's mark in Jongwoon's neck and swallowed. It seemed rather serious and Kyuhyun couldn't help but ask, "Did it hurt?"

Jongwoon, who was still holding onto his chest and trying to steady his breathing, unsettled due to both shock and the air suddenly being kicked out of his lungs, looked at the boy on his bed in disbelief. "Of course it hurts!"

"No, not that," Kyuhyun mumbled, slightly ashamed of the assault he had just accidentally carried out, " _that_ " and he pointed towards Jongwoon's neck.

"Oh," Jongwoon mumbled, before touching his own neck softly as it was still rather sore. Apparently it was really visual, despite that Donghae had insisted after waking up that it wasn't that bad at all and that he shouldn't worry about it. "No, but it wasn't really pleasant." He replied rather dryly, as he remembered briefly how it had felt to be unable to breathe. He couldn't remember any pain, just discomfort; and discomfort was a _very_ neat way to put it. 

Kyuhyun nodded, unsure how else to react, before Jongwoon spoke again. 

"Why are you in my bed?" he asked, and Kyuhyun cursed Jungsu under his breath for telling him he could pick any bed he wanted.

Kyuhyun continued to be annoyed with Jungsu, when suddenly Jongwoon laughed out loud, utterly amused. "What's so funny?"

"Just- Your face," Jongwoon replied, still laughing but no longer making the sound he had made before. Much to Kyuhyun's relief, as he didn't want any of the other members to come walking in to see what he had just done to their possibly most valued member. They had all just risked their lives to save him and then Kyuhyun had nearly murdered him merely one day after they had all risked their lives so bravely.

"No need to be rude at me, despite that I took your bed," Kyuhyun crankily replied, his witted mind hastily putting up a plan to make him seem less petty. "We all risked our lives yesterday to save you, including me, you should be thankful towards me."

Jongwoon laughed again, and Kyuhyun couldn't help but snort.

"I would believe you, if I hadn't been told you and Henry were sent back here before the whole thing started," Jongwoon laughed, his lungs and mood both having improved rapidly after the sudden kick in his chest earlier.

Kyuhyun huffed and was about to say something in return when Jongwoon lay down comfortably on the bed he had fallen against due to Kyuhyun's assault. "Goodnight, Cho Kyuhyun," he said, somewhat cheerfully but with a heavy heart as he remembered yesterday's events, before turning around and ignoring Kyuhyun altogether.

"You better not snore," Kyuhyun mumbled more to himself than to Jongwoon, before turning to face away from Jongwoon as well, trying to get a few more hours of sleep before standing up and facing yet another uncertain day.


	6. Chapter 6

_It was hot. The sun burned Jongwoon's bare skin, but there was nothing he could really do about it, aside from slowing his pace when he walked in a shadow of an object that temporarily blocked the sun from him. His hands were tightly knotted behind his back and he was being pushed forth by a guard._

_"Enjoy the son while you still can, lad," the guard behind him said, as he noticed Jongwoon's attempts to hide from the sun wherever he could. Jongwoon was quite sure the man, who couldn't be much older than himself, was smirking even though he couldn't see his face._

_Another push in his back ushered him to stop slowing his pace and to keep walking._

_His legs didn't want to keep moving, though. The muscles burned in protest as Jongwoon continued to walk; cramps occasionally hitting him hard but he ignored it for as well as he could._

_Suddenly, loud noises distracted him temporarily from the sun and the pain felt in his legs. The further he walked, the louder the noises became. It didn't take long for him to understand he was hearing people. People talking and chatting with family, acquaintances, and friends; maybe even to people they had never seen before._

_The words they spoke couldn't be distinguished, but Jongwoon could pretty much guess what they were talking about._

_As he was pushed hard once again, he walked up the wooden slope that lay in front of him. As he did, people came in view and they all silenced for a short moment before they started laughing, talking even louder than before and pointing at him as they did._

_He felt ridiculed, and that's probably how it all was intended to be._

_His feet felt heavier with each step he took towards the rope he had so dreadfully feared for the past couple of days. His cramps tried their best to stop him from moving forward, but Jongwoon himself knew in his heart that it was too late. There was no turning back nor could he be saved any longer._

_He was soon stopped in his tracks and turned towards the crowd against his will. A rope was placed around his neck as the King's loud laughter could be heard above everyone else's, before he wholeheartedly pronounced that it was 'party time'._

_Music started playing loudly as the hatch below his feet opened. The rope tightened around his neck within a second and he struggled, only to make the rope tighten even more. His breath was taken from him and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't refill his lungs with air, and it terrified him._

_It frightened him more than you could imagine._

_He couldn't breathe._

_He was going to die._

_He was dying._

Jongwoon's eyes burst open as he hurriedly sat up straight in his bed, gasping for air that somehow entered his lungs with no effort. He still panicked and looked around him frightened, before realizing it had just been a dream. A nightmare. A _horrid_ nightmare.

He could still breathe, he wasn't dying nor was he about to.

Sweat dripped down his forehead and Jongwoon couldn't help but frown at himself. He wasn't the scared type, neither had he ever had nightmares before - including the times when he was only a child. What was wrong with him?

Tiredly, he dragged himself out of bed and made way towards the bathroom to get rid of all the sweat he had practically been bathing in due to his nightmare.

' _Did I scream?_ ' Jongwoon mildly wondered, while taking a comforting shower. 

People with nightmares always screamed if he was to believe the stories he had heard. If anyone had heard him scream, he would be too embarrassed to ever look them in the eyes again.

Then again, if he has screamed, wouldn't anyone have awakened him to help him stop suffering? They probably would have, so Jongwoon didn't have anything to worry about. His reputation was fine, he concluded.

After semi-drying himself with a towel and getting dressed hastily, he walked out of the bedroom only to walk into an empty living room. 

He could only guess where everyone had gone to.

Jungsu talked. He talked a lot. Kyuhyun was amazed that anyone was able to talk as much as Jungsu did.

Aside from explaining their upcoming mission, which was to get food towards the orphanage not too far from their hideout, he also talked about all kinds of unrelated things.

He talked about a man named Changmin, about the man's youth, about his own youth, about cooking and about Heechul, who had then rather harshly punched the man on his upper arm and told him to stop talking nonsense because he had more things to do than listening to Jungsu rambling on and on about nothing.

Jungsu, who hadn't understood any of the rather obvious sighing and face-palming hints of some other members sitting around the table before, finally noticed he was dragging the meeting and went back on subject. 

They were about to wrap everything up when the door opened and Jongwoon came in silently. He went to stand in the corner and eyed everyone without any expression on his face, but the aura that came from the man, made Kyuhyun feel more than uncomfortable.

And he noticed he wasn't the only one who felt that way. Some members fidgeted awkwardly on their seat, others watched everywhere but at Jongwoon, and even Jungsu had a hard time staying focused on his now useful story.

"Everyone understands what to do?" Jungsu asked eventually, to make sure the plan would go as planned and no mistakes would be made. He got some nods and endorsing sounds from the team in reply and he smiled. "Very well, we'll get to it at 7 AM tomorrow, then."

Everyone stood up and left the room, while Jongwoon walked towards Jungsu who was on the complete opposite from where he had been standing. On his way there, Heechul grabbed his hand and squeezed it lightly as a way to tell him he was happy to see him there - after all that had happened, it still felt like a miracle to see him alive and well - before he left the room as well.

"Did you sleep well?" Jungsu asked, not looking up as he shoved some papers together that had been spread in front of him. It contained some information that was needed for their upcoming mission.

"Fine," Jongwoon replied curtly, as he went to stand next to Jungsu. "Why didn't you wake me?"

Jungsu could hear the slight offend in Jongwoon's voice; the man had never missed a meeting before, aside from the one they had had when he was about to face his death. Jungsu didn't regret his decision about letting him sleep this one out, though.

"We are doing our ' _Orphanage mission_ ', you know the drill," he eventually said, looking up at Jongwoon who visually relaxed as he noticed he hadn't missed anything important. He nodded as he noticed Jungsu watching, to let him know he indeed knew the drill and would do his task properly.

"So, Changmin came by earlier?" Jongwoon then asked, looking at Jungsu with curiosity and what seemed mild interest. 

"No," Jungsu replied, and he could swear he saw some disappointment in Jongwoon's eyes as he replied. "I decided it's time to help the orphanage again. The children are always suffering, we shouldn't only help when Changmin asks us."

Jongwoon nodded in reply; Jungsu had a good point and it had been quite a while ago since they had last helped them out.

"He asked about you a few days ago though, when I went to see him. He's worried about you. Ever since-"

"And what did you say to him?" Jongwoon interrupted, not wanting Jungsu to finish the sentence he was about to say.

Sadness welled up in Jungsu's eyes as he replied. "That you were sentenced to death. He even threatened me to make sure we saved you."

"Good," Jongwoon replied content. "I'll leave first."

As he was about to turn around, Jungsu grabbed his hand and stopped him in his movement. Jongwoon turned back to Jungsu and looked at him impatiently.

"Visit him some day, huh? He misses you," Jungsu said, earning an annoyed sigh from Jongwoon. He hated it when Jungsu told him what to do.

"I will when I'm hurt," came the clever reply.

He pulled his hand away from Jungsu and walked towards the door.

"Aside from being a doctor, he's also your friend, Jongwoon. He deserves a regular visit," Jungsu sternly said as if he was giving Jongwoon an order. Also," he continued, making Jongwoon stop at the door; his hand rested on the door handle as he awaited Jungsu to finish his sentence so he could leave. "Kyuhyun needs training, as a thief he's in your department I'd say. Take care of it."

A single nod from Jongwoon was enough for Jungsu to know it would be taken care of. And as Jongwoon left, he slumped back down on his seat and took a deep breath; that man was too stubborn for his own good.

"I don't see _why_ we need a large-scale mission to steal food, I do this _all the time_ ," Kyuhyun complained to Henry. As he had lived on the streets for nearly 10 years, he knew perfectly fine how to get food without being detected. No huge missions needed to feed just a couple of kids.

"We aren't talking about a few apples, Kyuhyun," Henry tried to explain to a very annoyed and rather unreasonable Kyuhyun, "We need to feed nearly two hundred children. And trust me when I say that they are hungry."

 "Two hundred?" Kyuhyun blinked, astonished by the number of orphan children living at that one single orphanage a mere street away from where they were at. He could remember the house, as he had always envied the children living there while he was living on the streets, but he had never imagined there could be that many in a house that small.

"Yes," Henry replied, before waving his hands in front of Kyuhyun's eyes to make sure he was still with him. Kyuhyun had been so caught up in his memories of envy that he'd temporarily zoned out.

"We need to rob the entire market to feed that many children," Kyuhyun mumbled, his envy long gone as he realized that maybe he had been the lucky one.

A sudden shadow hovering over them made both Henry and Kyuhyun look up from the couch they were sagged into. Jongwoon stared at them without any emotion present on his face and Kyuhyun was slightly intimidated while Henry nearly sprung up in happiness that Jongwoon was even this close to him.

Love was a weird thing, Kyuhyun figured.

"You," Jongwoon said, pointing his finger at Kyuhyun, who stared back at him blankly. "Follow me," he continued, motioning for Kyuhyun to stand up, who didn't move a muscle because he simply couldn't.

As Jongwoon walked away towards a door Kyuhyun had never entered, Henry shook his arm. "Lucky!" he pronounced envious, before pushing Kyuhyun off the couch and into Jongwoon's direction.

Reluctantly, Kyuhyun followed Jongwoon into the room he had disappeared into, rather scared of what was about to happen to him this time. Was he still mad about what had happened earlier in the bedroom?

"What weapon do you wield?" Jongwoon asked as soon as Kyuhyun had entered the practice room and had closed the door behind him neatly. Kyuhyun turned to stare at him and Jongwoon was quite sure there was nothing but anxiety present in Kyuhyun's eyes.

"Wield?" Kyuhyun repeated thoughtfully slow, a question directed more towards himself than to Jongwoon, and Jongwoon sighed impatiently.

"What is your weapon of choice?" he asked instead, rewording his previous question carefully in the hopes that Kyuhyun would understand what he was asking; it's not like he had asked anything difficult.

Unfortunately, it didn't work. 

Kyuhyun continued to stare at him as if he had just spoken in a to him unknown language. Jongwoon wasn't really sure what Kyuhyun's silence meant and thus, after thinking about it for a while, he settled on asking: "Just your body, then?"

"I-" Kyuhyun started, but he changed his mind. "A sword," he replied cogently.

He could tell by Jongwoon's judgmental stare that he didn't believe him one bit, but nevertheless, Jongwoon went towards a cabinet and pulled a - in Kyuhyun's eyes _enormous_ \- sword out of it. Kyuhyun's eyes unhealthily enlarged at the mere sight of it.

It was just a practice sword, but Kyuhyun had no idea and was quite sure that one unhappily timed swing of that blade would cut his entire arm off and that he would have to spend the rest of his sad life with just one arm.

Jongwoon turned to Kyuhyun and threw the sword his way, blade facing up and handle facing down as it should. "Catch," he pronounced and Kyuhyun instantly took 5 large steps backward in pure fear, ending up hugging the wall, as he watched the sword falling on the place he had stood a mere second ago.

"Are you trying to kill me?!" Kyuhyun asked apprehensively, his eyes impossibly even larger than they had been before, as he could feel his knees about to fail on him. To his embarrassment, Jongwoon started to laugh and walked towards the sword and picked it up, only to bring it back to where it had come from.

"Not a sword, then," he concluded, as he carefully placed the practice sword back in the weapon's cabinet. "Have you ever touched a weapon before?" He asked, a bit too sarcastically to Kyuhyun's like.

"I never foresaw a future as city hero," he retorted, glaring at Jongwoon angrily. 

Jongwoon softly sighed at Kyuhyun's words, noticing that the younger was obviously getting rather annoyed, and turned back towards the cabinet before grabbing a couple of knives out of it.

He refrained himself from instinctively throwing the knives and walked over to Kyuhyun before handing him the practice knives with utter care. "As a thief, these should suit you," he said and Kyuhyun gently took the weapons and tried hard to not let them drop; they could obviously cut off his feet and he didn't want to live with one or even two wooden legs. "Let's start with practicing your posture," he continued, as he motioned for Kyuhyun to follow him to the middle of the room.

Kyuhyun followed him obediently and before he knew it he was working his body harder than he had ever worked it before; maybe Jongwoon was really trying to kill him as a revenge for the kick in his chest earlier.

Kyuhyun was _very_ remorseful.

"What are they doing?"

"Can you see anything?"

"Get your foot out of my face!"

"Stop touching me!!"

"DO YOU WANT TO DIE?!"

As soon as Jongwoon and a reluctant Kyuhyun had left to the practice room, Donghae and Hyukjae had sprung up from their respective seats and put the door of the practice room slightly ajar. Simultaneously, they tried to look inside out of pure curiosity, but two adult men staring through a small opening was impossible, resulting in the two of them fighting to see anything.

"It's just a training session," Kibum calmly said from the other side of the room as he eyed the two with mild interest. "Nothing important to see."

"You don't understand," Donghae replied, "Jongwoon has never trained anyone. _Ever_."

Kibum just shrugged and turned back to his book, shutting out all bickering noises as well as he could.

"I think Kyuhyun just dropped a sword," Hyukjae said, as he was given the opportunity to stare inside when Donghae was distracted by Kibum. He instantly was pushed aside again by an even more eager Donghae.

Suddenly, both of them were pushed aside and they glared angrily at who had dared to interrupt their moment. Henry stared back at them innocently and they sighed in both understanding and compassion at the same time. It was not really a secret that Henry had a crush on Jongwoon.

"I wish he would train me," Henry said, dejectedly.

"Oh, Henry..." Donghae mumbled, giving up on watching inside the room and giving Henry all the space he needed.

A sudden hand landed on Henry's shoulder and he turned to see no other than Heechul smiling at him. "Jongwoon sucks with a bow, it's nothing personal."

Henry nodded thankfully, a small sad smile on his face, before he turned back. Both Jongwoon and Kyuhyun were out of view and he closed the door disappointingly. All he could do was wait. And when they were done, and Kyuhyun would come walking out of that door, he would ask Kyuhyun all the details.

Yeah, and maybe Kyuhyun could one day let Henry join in on a training session. That'd be nice.


	7. Chapter 7

Kyuhyun woke up on the ungodly hour of 5:30 am. He knew they had to leave early for their orphanage mission, but he had expected to sleep till at least 6 am - and he needed his sleep, he was far from a happy mornings person. 

But apparently, people didn't know that yet, as some felt the urge to scream at each other at freaking 5 in the morning.

Hyukjae, who was on the lower bed of the bunk bed next to Kyuhyun, grunted in dismay and turned around - covering his ears with his blanket and trying to sleep just a tad bit longer. Kyuhyun admired his attempt, but had already tried it before and knew it wasn't going to be any success. And trust Kyuhyun when he says he can sleep through nearly any sound - the advantage of living on the noisy streets for nearly 10 years.

As he stood up, he noticed some sharp pains in his body - the result of a rather harsh training session with Jongwoon yesterday late afternoon. He had expected to feel some muscle pain, but nowhere near what he was experiencing now. He couldn't even walk normally, how on earth was he going to perform properly on their mission, when he walked like some crippled penguin?

Taking a shower resolved some of his pain temporarily, but he still walked like an idiot. He was not liking where today was heading.

The noises were still ongoing in the living room after his shower, although less loud than before, and even though Kyuhyun had tried hard to avoid whatever was going on in there -like taking a very long shower-, he had to get out eventually. Besides, he was hungry and needed to eat. Can't help hungry orphans when you are about to faint of hunger yourself, now can you?

"You are not going, " Jungsu proclaimed loudly and sternly, seemingly done with whatever situation was going on, "end of story."

"Hyung," Jongwoon said in utter dismay, noticing quite a crowd staring at the both of them and not liking the attention they were getting, nor the discussion they were having.

Jungsu had previously before told Jongwoon that he wasn't joining them on their orphanage mission. He had hoped Jongwoon would still be asleep by the time they had to leave - he had just planned on not waking him and to be back before he would wake, but sadly Jongwoon had been overly excited to be out in the field again that he had woken up even before Jungsu had. Resulting in their long and loud discussion, waking up many who had decided to sleep over at the hideout because they had to leave so early.

"You can't do this to me," Jongwoon hissed to Jungsu, who looked unfazed. "I told you, I am fine. _Really_."

"End of story," Jungsu repeated coldly, before walking to the storage room for some final preparations. Jongwoon blankly watched Jungsu leave before returning to his previous annoyed state. 

"Seriously," he muttered annoyed, before throwing one of his knives into the wooden flooring, which shocked Kyuhyun more than it should have. He could hurt someone! Jongwoon didn't seem to share Kyuhyun's worry though and just slumped onto the couch, crossed his arms and legs and sighed, having a face like thunder. He then noticed the group of people still looking at him, "What."

"Wha- what?"

"Eh-?"

"Nothing, Hyung!"

And some more mumblings were heard before the whole group separated and went on doing their thing as if nothing had just happened what disrupted their much-needed sleep.

Despite his shortage of sleep and extreme muscle pain, Kyuhyun felt extremely proud while he stuffed fresh bread in his burlap sack for the orphans. It was his first mission as a full member of Civiltry.

And despite that he had hesitated if he should stay or not, helping hungry orphans surely made him doubt a little bit less. 

He had just been 8 years old when he ended up on the streets, with no parents and separated from his big sister. He couldn't remember a lot about his parents or sister, but over the years he had stopped worrying about it. His survival instinct had changed him in just mere years from a cute innocent boy, into nearly a monstrous man. He had done whatever was needed to survive, but weirdly enough, some things he had done still bugged him to this day. Maybe he wasn't that big of a monster after all.

Insensitive at most.

Kyuhyun couldn't remember the last time he had cared about anything or anyone. But now, as he was stealing food for hungry children, some of his more humane feelings temporarily returned.

"Don't forget those," Henry said to Kyuhyun, pointing at some loaves further away, and Kyuhyun nodded enthusiastically. The smile on his face was something Henry hadn't seen before in the brief time they had known each other. Did Kyuhyun change his mind about joining Civiltry?

Kyuhyun's smile was contagious though, and it surely relieved some of Henry's build up stress, so Henry couldn't help but smile as well, and before they knew it, everyone was smiling and happily stealing food from the rich for the poor.

After filling all the bags to the brim, Jungsu looked around satisfied. This should be enough to feed all the children - maybe just for a day, but when you barely eat for weeks, one day of food made a whole lot of difference.

"Let's go," he said quietly to his attentive alliance members, who nearly all nodded to in reply.

"Hyung, what about-" Hyukjae started, pointing at some leftovers next to him, looking a bit disappointed that it didn't fit in his bag anymore.

"Leave it," Jungsu interrupted him. He could relate to Hyukjae's disappointment, but they shouldn't forget everything they _did_ achieve.

They left the place in a hurry. By the time they returned to the hideout, it was only 8 am and Kyuhyun was amazed at how much they had accomplished in just 1 hour and 15 minutes, counting from the moment they had left. And even more importantly - as it was just 8 in the morning, there was plenty of time for Kyuhyun to return to his bed for some more sleep. This was going to be a perfect day after all, he was sure of it.

Jongwoon watched his friends and members leave on their mission, and still felt wronged by Jungsu for not allowing him to join. He might have been hanged just a few days earlier, but sitting at the hideout - which was basically his home - wasn't really going to improve anything. And Jungsu might not know, but as the memories of nearly dying still haunted Jongwoon, he just wanted some distractions. 

As everyone left though, his sleep suddenly caught up with him. He hadn't slept well for the past 2 nights and it was killing him. The nightmares only became more frequent and a lot worse and realistic. This badly, that he almost was afraid to sleep because he didn't want anyone to notice his nightly horrors. He still had a reputation to live up to.

As he was alone though, he decided to return to the bedroom for some well deserved, and hopefully nightmare-free sleep.

Without really thinking about it, he crawled onto his old comfortable bed, pushed Kyuhyun's spare clothes on the floor which had been neatly organized on the blanket, and fell asleep within seconds.

"What the-" Kyuhyun exclaimed, as his leg brushed against something - or rather _someone_ \- in his bed. He was a bit taken aback and nearly fell on the floor because of it. He had been sure everyone else decided to stay awake to celebrate their accomplishment, so he had not expected anyone to be in his bed. Wait, did someone find out about them and infiltrated their hideout?!

Jongwoon nearly jumped in surprise as someone brushed against him and had yelled in response. He wasn't having the nicest dream, and being touched and screamed at didn't really improve his situation. He looked at Kyuhyun warily, who was standing next to his bed seemingly over thinking the entire situation, and sighed.

"Get your own bed," he said, before laying down and turning over to continue his not-so-nice sleep.

But unexpectedly, Kyuhyun climbed onto the bed again and laid down next to Jongwoon.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jongwoon asked in disbelief, turning around again and staring at the other with a confused and annoyed look on his face. And much to his dismay, Kyuhyun mildly smirked at his question.

"This _is_ my bed," he replied. Before turning around to sleep. Jongwoon couldn't help but laugh at the outrageous situation.

"Are you serious?" he then asked in utter surprise, as Kyuhyun didn't seem to be joking nor leaving anytime soon. Jongwoon had been part of Civiltry for over 5 years, and this had been his bed the moment it was placed in their hideout. He couldn't seriously be thinking Jongwoon was moving to another bed, could he? Besides, Kyuhyun had been a full member for, what was it, 1 day? "Dude."

"Dude," Kyuhyun repeated, turning around to give Jongwoon one last serious look, "I'm staying. Either leave, or sleep well."

After a few more sighs from Jongwoon, who used those to show his displeasure with the situation, Kyuhyun had already fallen asleep. And as Jongwoon was way too stubborn for his own good, he decided to just fall asleep as well.

And _that_ is how Kyuhyun and Jongwoon ended up sharing a bed for the next couple of weeks.


	8. Chapter 8

Kyuhyun had not once in his life thought that he would end up sleeping in the same bed with another man - let alone like it. But strangely enough, he did.

Jongwoon, on the other hand, absolutely hated it. He would nag at Kyuhyun for hours on end to try to make him change his mind and move to a bed of his own, but Kyuhyun just couldn't. And after hours Jongwoon would eventually give up, and they would both fall asleep exhausted.

And strangely enough, the last couple of nights they were the only ones sleeping in the Civiltry bedroom - apparently their endless bickering had taken a toll on the other members and they went elsewhere for their well earned and needed sleep.

Some slept in the living room, others just returned to their homes or slept at a friend's. And there was even this one night where Donghee had chosen to sleep on the war room's table, and he was found half naked on the table by the other members the next morning, who were about to have a scheduled meeting. ' _My eyes!_ ' Heechul had screamed, and they had all ran out hastily. Kyuhyun still had to giggle when he remembered the event.

"Morning," Henry greeted Kyuhyun, who just came out of the bedroom, leaving Jongwoon behind and expecting him to join them soon.

"Hey," Kyuhyun greeted back slightly awkwardly, before sitting down next to Henry on the couch, appropriately distant.

It had been 2 weeks since Kyuhyun had stubbornly declared Jongwoon's bed as his own, and Henry hadn't been too pleased with it. Their friendship had flourished over the weeks, but Kyuhyun was pretty sure Henry was quite bothered with it even though he hadn't mentioned it to him.

"Jungsu-hyung said we would get our rings today," Henry said excitedly, and Kyuhyun smiled politely at his comment. "I can't wait to make it official," Henry continued cheerfully.

Every official Civiltry member had their own ring. All rings were different on first glance, but inside the rings all stood the same three letters; ' _CSA_ '. It stood for ' _Civiltry Secret Alliance_ ,' by wearing their rings they would finally be an official member and part of something bigger. Despite that they had already finished their trial and had participated in larger operations, getting a ring would make it a lot more real.

"Me neither," Kyuhyun replied softly, feeling that he really didn't deserve Henry's friendship the longer he postponed explaining his sleeping situation. "I ehm-"

But before Kyuhyun could start his long overdue explanation, Jungsu slammed his office door open and looked straight at them, "Just the two I was looking for!"

And even before any of them could even say hi, Jungsu was already dragging them towards his office.

_Sigh._

"Woah," Sungmin said, in awe of the shiny silver rings on Kyuhyun's and Henry's hand. "They are stunning!"

They certainly were. Jungsu had dragged both Kyuhyun and Henry to his office, where Han Geng had already been waiting. A week earlier he had taken their finger measurements and listened to their design wishes. He had promised he would work hard and try to finish their respective rings within 1 week. He hadn't disappointed. 

Kyuhyun was now the proud owner of a true Han Geng design - who turned out to be quite a famous silversmith in town. He had made all the rings for all members of Civiltry as his way to contribute to the alliance, and he was well respected for it.

And seeing his and Henry's amazing new rings, Kyuhyun could certainly see why.

"Hyung!" Henry suddenly exclaimed, running over to Jongwoon who had just walked into the living room 4 hours after Kyuhyun had. Which was odd, because Kyuhyun could have sworn Jongwoon was awake when he had left. "Look!"

Henry proudly presented his ring to Jongwoon, who nearly screamed at the sight of it. Turned out Jongwoon loved the ring even more than Henry did. Kyuhyun suddenly noticed Jongwoon wore a lot of rings himself, something he had never actually noticed before. 

Jongwoon jokingly tried to steal the ring from Henry, who blushed the moment Jongwoon grabbed his hand to take the ring from him. Instantly making Kyuhyun hate himself even more for sleeping next to his - if he could say so - best friend's crush.

Yes, Henry was Kyuhyun's best friend. And his only good friend, for all that mattered.

"Come, show yours too!" Henry suddenly grabbed an absent-minded Kyuhyun's hand and dragged him inside the group of people who had been standing around Henry and Jongwoon. Kyuhyun reluctantly and somewhat shyly showed his ring to Jongwoon - he really didn't like all the attention.

"That's.. nice," Jongwoon mumbled coldly, much to others' dismay. They slept in the same bed for crying out loud, and Jongwoon _loved_ accessories, what was with the apathy?

When asking though, Jongwoon had just sighed and left without a word. Leaving a disappointed Kyuhyun and 6 slightly confused members behind - they didn't bother about it for too long though, the happy mood soon returned and they all continued to worship Han Geng's work some more. Except for a slightly disappointed Kyuhyun, who at least wanted his Hyung to like his new Civiltry ring. Despite that Kyuhyun knew Jongwoon didn't like him sleeping in his bed, he had at least thought they were somewhat friendly towards each other. 

At night-time, Jongwoon had not yet returned. Many had expected him to, so they had already arranged elsewhere to sleep, to avoid any upcoming endless bickering and sleepless nights. Except for Henry, who had opted to sleep on the couch as he had nowhere else to go.

Luckily for him though, as Jongwoon wasn't there to fight with Kyuhyun for half the night, he could finally return to his old bed and sleep properly and comfortably for a change.

At least, that is what he had hoped.

Staring at the bed above him, he could hear Kyuhyun tossing and turning - followed by an occasional loud sigh. He wasn't really sure what was going on, but it surely started to piss the always cheerful Henry off. 

"What's wrong?" he asked agitatedly after one more annoying sigh from Kyuhyun, making sure he asked it loud enough so the later could hear him and not ignore his burning question.

"Nothing," Kyuhyun replied, not very convincingly. 

"Then stop turning and sighing, I am trying to sleep," Henry retorted, still annoyed. He had been unable to sleep due to Kyuhyun's tossing and turning making the bed shake as an earthquake for around an hour now.

Silence followed and Henry contently turned to lay on his side, ready to finally fall asleep.

"Do you hate me?" Kyuhyun whispered softly, as if he wanted to prepare himself before asking Henry for real. He knew the other hadn't heard it, and after a while he decided to repeat his question loudly before he would change his mind. "Do you hate me?"

"..." Henry was taken aback by the sudden question. "Why would I hate you?"

Henry always had a lot of friends. His bright spirit and cheerful personality made him friends easy. He couldn't think of anyone who really disliked him. Then again, maybe there were plenty but his optimistic mind just hadn't noticed.

He wasn't always as happy as he seemed though, but he had learned a long time ago that showing vulnerability was a weakness. So there was no way he could have given Kyuhyun the idea that he hated him, could he? 

As Kyuhyun didn't reply his rhetorical question, he said "Of course I don't hate you."

A few minutes of silence passed, both unsure on what to say.

"I don't like him, I just like this bed," Kyuhyun blurted all of the sudden. "I know you like him, but this was my first bed in 10 years, I don't want to move. I promise it's nothing more. Besides, I am pretty sure he hates me, so you have nothing to worry about. I would never-"

A hand suddenly covering Kyuhyun's mouth made him stop his rambling. Henry smiled brightly at him before removing his hand and climbing up to lay next to Kyuhyun. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, "I can smell him," he mumbled dreamingly.

Kyuhyun smiled, somewhat relieved as Henry didn't seem to be angry at him at all.

"I don't hate you. And I know what it's like to go from nothing to finding basically a new home. And how scary it feels that you could lose it all again in an instance," Henry said, as he opened his eyes and looked at Kyuhyun fondly. Sadness lingered in his eyes though, and Kyuhyun felt kind of guilty for making Henry remember a bad memory. 

"I'm sorry," Kyuhyun mumbled, more to apologize for making Henry feel sad than for sleeping next to his not-so-secret crush.

"If he does come back tonight, he will just have to sleep elsewhere. Because I am sleeping next to you," Henry said, matter-of-factly, thinking that Kyuhyun was still apologizing for sleeping next to Jongwoon. "Goodnight Hyung."

And Kyuhyun couldn't help but smile at his always cheerful friend. Even though Kyuhyun had made Henry feel bad by picking this particular bed as his own, he still tried to cheer Kyuhyun up instead. Now _that_ was a friend to cherish.

It was hours later, at nearly 5 am, when Jongwoon returned to the hide-out. He initially had planned to just crawl into bed, ignoring Kyuhyun, but as he noticed not 1 but 2 figures soundly asleep on his spot, he sighed in annoyance and opted for another bed. It was one thing for Kyuhyun to force himself into his bed, but to do whatever with someone else was just one step too much for Jongwoon. He would have a serious talk with Kyuhyun tomorrow. Tomorrow, because at this point he was just too tired and too intoxicated to do anything about it.


	9. Chapter 9

"That would be a good-" Jungsu started his sentence, his voice fading away as the door of the war room opened and a rather grumpy looking Jongwoon came walking in. He had missed at least half an hour of their meeting, which was not really much like him. "- plan." Jungsu finished his sentence as Jongwoon sat down in the chair next to him.

Everyone kept their eyes fixated on Jongwoon, who closed his eyes as soon as he could to block out the, to him, bright lights.

"Hangover?" Heechul asked in a whisper and Jongwoon only grunted in reply. A smirk crept on Heechul lips. They had been drinking together all night last night, and despite that Heechul drank a lot more than Jongwoon did, he wasn't the one having a bad morning. Jongwoon never handled alcohol well, it was amusing.

"How nice of you to join us," Jungsu said semi-sarcastically to Jongwoon, going through the paperwork in front of him to see if there were any issues left unspoken for their weekly meeting. Everything seemed to have been pretty much been taken care of, aside from that one particular issue... "Now that you are here, I got some complaints about, well, the bedroom. Kyuhyun, this also applies to you."

Both Jongwoon and Kyuhyun turned to stare at Jungsu, Jongwoon not really registering anything that was being said, and Kyuhyun already feeling the shame rise and his face turning red.

"I don't really care who sleeps where, or with who for all that matters, but no more nightly fights or discussions. Period. We all need our sleep.  _I_ need my sleep," Jungsu said sternly, emphasizing on the word I. He too had tried to sleep at the hideout the first week Kyuhyun had declared Jongwoon's bed his own and had been badly sleep-deprived because of it. That bad, that his mood had turned for the worst and he wasn't proud of it.

He had screamed at Donghae for stealing his quill, which in fact was just laying on his desk in his office. He had broken one of their glass cups in anger when he had accidentally dropped it twice before, for no other reason than pure clumsiness, and wanted the third time to at least be on purpose. He had thrown out perfectly fine made food, because he believed he had screwed it up - and that while they were really low on money for food at that moment. It had not been a good week for Jungsu.

"Sorry, hyung," Kyuhyun mumbled in reply, still somewhat ashamed of the whole ordeal. And after a nudge from Heechul, Jongwoon also grunted in agreement. He really just wanted to die at this point; his headache was killing him and he really felt like he was about to throw up. 

As he rested his head on the table for just a second, he had already fallen asleep, much to everyone's surprise. Jungsu just stared at his friend in mild disbelieve before sighing, "If only he fell asleep that quickly at night, we wouldn't have had any problems."

Everyone laughed silently, before leaving Jongwoon and his much-needed sleep alone. The meeting was finished and despite that it had been a quite serious one, it was nice to finish it this lightheartedly.

"Remember, 3 fingers on the string, draw, aim and shoot," Hyukjae repeated as if it was the easiest thing in the world. But no matter how hard Kyuhyun pulled on the string of the bow he was holding at that moment, he could in no way get his hand all the way next to his face while pulling the string - was he seriously _that_ weak?

Henry, who had no trouble drawing his bow as he had done so millions of times before, couldn't help but laugh at a struggling Kyuhyun and a sulking Donghae.

The two of them had wanted some bow lessons, as it might come in handy in the future, and Henry just joined for the fun of it. The 4 of them had become really close over the past few weeks, so any opportunity of them being together couldn't be wasted.

"Can't I just use my fist?" Donghae asked in all curiosity, as he felt like his fingers were about to be cut in half and using a fist to get a hold of the string seemed much easier.

"Let me think about it, ehm, no," Hyukjae replied dryly, making Donghae sulk even more than before. "I'm pretty sure that would be an insult to Henry's expertise."

Donghae looked at Henry a bit worried, but the latter quickly muttered an ' _It's fine_.'

After 15 more minutes of struggling, Kyuhyun and Donghae decided to give up, much to Henry's and Hyukjae's relief - the 2 of them were honestly no fun when getting annoyed with a dangerous weapon in their hands. But as Hyukjae noticed Donghae was quite disappointed, he walked up to the latter and hugged him soothingly.

"I guess I'll just stick to my sword," Donghae sighed dejectedly. "And I guess Kyuhyun has to suffer through more classes of Jongwoon," he added, a small smile returning to his face.

Kyuhyun turned to glare at his friends, who all started to laugh genuinely while Hyukjae re-enacted an annoyed Kyuhyun complaining after one of Jongwoon's training lessons.

Kyuhyun had had about 4 lessons learning to fight with small knives, but aside from just wielding knives, Jongwoon liked making Kyuhyun deliberately suffer by letting him do a lot more than just swinging knives around. At least, that is what Kyuhyun believed.

Besides, whenever they had a training battle, Jongwoon always made Kyuhyun lose within seconds and tell him he wasn't near good enough to be in a fight with just 1 guard, let alone 10. It really bummed Kyuhyun out, because he really performed better when hearing compliments. And Jongwoon wasn't a man of compliments.

"I wouldn't mind suffering," Henry sighed after a while, earning him 3 pats on the head from his friends.

"I wouldn't mind switching places, " Kyuhyun retorted, actually being serious and nearly begging Henry to take his place instead. His next training was actually scheduled in an hour from now and he was really not looking forward to it. "Trust me, one training and you are over him," he added in all seriousness.

"That's actually..." Hyukjae started, his voice trailing off as he stood up. "Jongwoon!" he suddenly yelled, walking away from the group towards the living room. "Jongwoon, I found you a new disciple!"

Henry quickly ran after Hyukjae, hit him on the back of his head and pulled him back harshly. "Shut up!" he quickly said, embarrassedly looking into the living room to make sure Jongwoon hadn't heard any of it. Donghae laughingly joined in on the playful fight his 2 friends were having, and all that Kyuhyun could think was how fond he was of his 3 new friends.

It was the first time in his life that Kyuhyun realized that having friends wasn't that bad after all.

Kyuhyun sighed. He had been trying to sleep for quite a while now, but it just didn't come to him. Despite that he hadn't been looking forward to another training session with Jongwoon, it had also disappointed him when the latter had canceled on him without any given reason.

And next to that, he also hadn't come to sleep yet. It bothered Kyuhyun that he was missing Jongwoon next to him, but he wasn't really sure why. All the others were quite content with it though, as more people had decided to sleep over this night. They had things planned for early tomorrow morning, and all were convinced that Jungsu's little pep talk at the meeting would be enough to stop the nightly hourly discussions and improve their sleep quality. Jongwoon seemed to have a lot of respect for Jungsu, Kyuhyun noticed when his friends talked about the meeting that morning. Apparently, Jongwoon always did what Jungsu asked from him.

A sudden movement next to him made Kyuhyun wake up from his thoughts.

Jongwoon silently pulled himself up and crawled into bed next to Kyuhyun, even accidentally touching him in the act. Which was odd, because all the other night he had tried really hard not to even be near Kyuhyun, let alone accidentally touch him. Kyuhyun felt a strange feeling in the pit of his stomach but couldn't really place it.

Sudden silent sobs worried Kyuhyun. He was pretty sure everyone was asleep, so it should come from Jongwoon, wouldn't it? It surely sounded that close.

"Are you okay?" he asked, whispering as to not wake anyone up and to not startle Jongwoon too much.

Jongwoon was still startled though, and aggressively wiped his tears as if he tried to hide them from Kyuhyun before mumbling, "I'm fine."

Minutes passed in silence, and no more sobs were heard for a while. Kyuhyun started to convince himself that he had imagined it and slowly started to focus on falling asleep.

Jongwoon's breathing was irregular, Kyuhyun noticed, as he listened to the small sounds engulfing the bedroom. He loved listening to the soft breathing at night, as it really helped him fall asleep. He had listened to Jongwoon's breathing many times before, but it had always been very strong and regular. 

Had he not been imagining things after all?

"Are you sure?" Kyuhyun asked suspiciously, the moment he heard one soft sniffle from the man next to him, turning around to face Jongwoon who was still laying on his back next to him. One more irregular inhale and before Kyuhyun knew it, he automatically pulled Jongwoon towards him and started to hug him - the only way he knew to console sad people.

Jongwoon didn't try to pull away, and Kyuhyun took it as the answer to his question. He was not okay. Jongwoon's irregular breathing continued, and he tried hard to not burst into tears. He was quite thankful towards Kyuhyun, even though he didn't want to admit it. His hug actually made Jongwoon able to fight the tears and to calm down a little.

After a while, Jongwoon's breathing seemed to improve and Kyuhyun loosened his grip on the other, "Are you feeling better?" he asked hesitantly. Despite that he knew hugging would cheer people up, he really had no idea how to go from consulting someone, to sleeping. And he was tired alright. It should be around 4 in the morning and he hadn't slept yet; they were expected to get up at in 3 hours already.

Jongwoon nodded against Kyuhyun's chest and backed up a little, coming face to face with Kyuhyun. Despite the darkness, they were close enough to see one another. Jongwoon's still sad looking eyes pierced Kyuhyun's eyes, their mouths were mere inches away from each other. The strange feeling Kyuhyun had felt earlier returned to his stomach and he started to wonder if maybe he was falling ill. His stomach seemed _really_ upset.

But before thinking more about it, Jongwoon gave in to his moment of weakness and closed the distance between them by placing his lips on Kyuhyun's.

And suddenly time stopped flowing. Kyuhyun's brain stopped working. His heart beating became even more irregular than Jongwoon's breathing had been earlier. But before Kyuhyun could do anything, either it being pushing Jongwoon away or responding to the kiss, Jongwoon withdrew and started to apologize.

"I'm sorry, I-" But before he could finish his apology and explanation, Kyuhyun instinctively launched back at him and started to return the kiss. He had no idea what he was doing, as his brain was still malfunctioning badly, but his body decided that this was what he wanted. What he needed. And Jongwoon seemed just as eager, as both of them opened their mouths just far enough to deepen the kiss by including tongue.

As the kiss was just heating up, Jongwoon suddenly froze. His eyes open and blankly staring at something, or someone, behind Kyuhyun. "What-" Kyuhyun started asking, turning around to see what was going on behind him, his words soon lost by what he saw.

It was Henry. Henry who looked at Kyuhyun as if he was the biggest betrayer on the planet, his eyes filled with anger and grief, before he turned around and dashed away.

"Henry!" Kyuhyun quickly yelled after him, sitting up quickly, "Wait!"

He hurriedly jumped out of bed and ran after Henry, not even thinking about Jongwoon anymore, who saw the person he had just hugged with and then quite passionately kissed, run after another man and not even once look back towards him.

As many sound and voices were heard coming from the living room, and as people started to follow after Henry and Kyuhyun both curiously and worried, Jongwoon sighed defeated and laid back down. The day hadn't even begun and everything was already going wrong. 

He had already known today wasn't going to be great, but he had never expected it to be this bad and affecting others as well.

And he had no idea what to do. His mind had already been too broken today to begin with. He wasn't really sure if he could handle any more drama.


	10. Chapter 10

Henry had already slept for a few hours when he woke up to Jongwoon climbing onto the bed above him. It was something Henry had gotten used to, but also something he still had a hard time seeing.

Kyuhyun had told Henry just one night ago that he didn't feel anything for Jongwoon, but the nagging feeling of jealousy still overwhelmed Henry occasionally. That on its own made Henry feel guilty already, because he should trust his friend when he said there was nothing going on.

' _Liar_ ,' a small voice echoed through Henry's head, making him shiver in response.

"Are you okay?" he suddenly heard Kyuhyun whisper, followed by a soft ' _I'm fine_ ,' coming from Jongwoon.

Why was Kyuhyun asking Jongwoon whether he was okay? Henry had seen Jongwoon today, and he hadn't seem much different than normal. Even when most of them turned in to bed, Jongwoon had smiled and wished them a good night. Nothing had been wrong.

"Are you sure?" Kyuhyun asked after a while, confusing Henry even more. A sudden movement shook the bed rather violently, but after that everything went quiet. 

He was pretty sure Jongwoon had just turned around and ignored Kyuhyun's odd questions - that's the Jongwoon Henry knew best, and he loved his hyung's predictability. 

As everything remained silent, Henry eventually turned comfortably on his side as well, still silently fighting the little voice in the back of his mind trying to convince him that Kyuhyun caring about Jongwoon meant something completely different. 

Sudden strange sounds refrained Henry from falling asleep though. He turned to look at the bed above him and noted that the sound was definitely coming from up there. It sounded like... No, it couldn't be.

He silently stood up and looked over the bedside to convince himself more than anyone that he had just been making things up. That his mind was playing tricks on him. But what he saw shattered his world, broke his heart, and made him completely lose his mind.

His friend, who he considered a very dear one, was kissing the man Henry had openly admitted to having feelings for. The man that Kyuhyun had a little more than 24 hours ago sworn to not like at all. Why? Why would he do this? 

He didn't even notice Jongwoon looking at him with guilt written all over his face. All he looked at was Kyuhyun. His _friend_. This betrayer who called himself _a friend_. Feelings that Henry had tried to block out for most of his life suddenly overwhelmed him. Grief, hatred, anger - feelings he had promised himself he would never give in to because he had seen the destruction it could cause. But he couldn't help it.

He turned around and ran away the moment Kyuhyun turned around and called his name. He didn't deserve to explain anything. He didn't deserve to even mention Henry's name. He didn't deserve anything.

He slammed the bedroom door harshly, not caring about the people who were probably still asleep. He looked around frustrated and grabbed the first thing he could get his hands on - Jungsu's favorite mug that was still standing on the table. Before he knew it, his hands threw the cup against the wall and it shattered into millions of pieces. Just as many pieces as his heart had broken into.

But he needed more. It didn't help enough.

He went and grabbed more and more items, threw them around carelessly and turned the living room in a complete mess, as messy as his mind was. But he didn't care. Just for once, couldn't he let out all pent up feelings? Just this once.

As Donghae's arms closed around Henry, he fell down to the ground and just cried, heartbrokenly. Emotions overwhelmed him, emotions he couldn't take control of.

And that was okay, Donghae said. "Just let it all out."

Jongwoon felt bad. The look in Henry's eyes wasn't something he could forget. Albeit that he didn't share the same feelings for Henry as Henry had for him, which were quite obvious - Jongwoon was not an oblivious idiot -, he still cared very much about Henry. He reminded him a lot of his little brother.

He just never really had the gut to tell Henry that and thus he deliberately let Henry believe he had a chance. Something that had seemed so logically at that time suddenly made him feel like a coward.

He sighed, extremely disappointed with himself, before sitting up and rubbing his head.

Why actually had he kissed Kyuhyun again?

He hadn't been himself, he concluded. It had been exactly one year since - _No_. There was no excuse. No matter how messed up he had felt, he shouldn't have been weak and reflect it onto Kyuhyun.

Besides, Kyuhyun of all people? After years of not giving in to any desires, he kissed _Kyuhyun_!? 

It had been nice though, he had to admit. And that was probably the one thing that bothered him the most. After blocking out all feelings for anyone for years, his body had liked kissing Kyuhyun; almost as if it had been waiting for it and when it finally got what it wanted it lost all control. And while kissing, for just a few precious seconds he forgot all the pain that he had bottled up inside. He had finally felt free and relieved again - a feeling he couldn't even remember until that point.

As the loud sounds started to fade away in the living room, Jongwoon decided that it was probably for the better if he stood up as well, if only just to check on Henry and Kyuhyun. The two of them were friends after all, and Jongwoon was fully aware that that one innocent kiss probably broke a lot more than intended. 

He haphazardly put on some clothes and walked up to the door, before taking a deep breath to encourage himself to open it.

As he walked inside, he noticed the floor was a complete mess - glass, shards, a clock, clothing, and even a lettuce where spread on the living room's floor. Jongwoon looked around quite astonished at what one person could accomplish in just a few minutes and it made him only feel more bad about the whole situation.

He really hadn't meant for any of this to happen.

And when he noticed Henry, with bloodshot red eyes, sitting slumped on the couch surrounded by people who were trying to cheer him up and at the same time trying to find out what had actually happened, he felt even more upset. Angry, even, at himself.

Kyuhyun just stood on the side awkwardly, talking with a worried-looking Jungsu. Their eyes met for a brief second before Jungsu noticed Jongwoon as well and came walking towards him.

"Jongwoon, a word," he said, gesturing at his office door. Jongwoon nodded absently in reply and Jungsu led the way. 

He probably didn't want Henry having to face him, Jongwoon figured, before walking after his friend. Which was probably a smart thing. Leave it to Jungsu to solve even the biggest of dramas. That's what Jongwoon respected most about Jungsu; he was always there for everyone.

"Jongwoon kissed who?" Heechul asked, in disbelief of what he had just heard. Henry had finally calmed down enough to mumble what had happened that made him this upset. What he said though, had made no sense to most of them.

Henry just pointed at Kyuhyun weakly, not looking at him what so ever; he did not want to face him.

As all eyes focused on Kyuhyun, he just fidgeted on his spot and stared at the ground with shame. It's not that he had initiated the kiss, but he did end up giving into it. And why? He didn't even know it himself. 

He even hated himself for it. 

"Kyuhyun?" Hyukjae asked for the nth time, nudging him to wake him up from his thoughts. Hyukjae looked at Kyuhyun both confused and somewhat angry. "What happened?"

As Kyuhyun didn't reply, both Hyukjae and Heechul dragged him to the side, noticing that Kyuhyun really didn't want to speak in front of Henry, and repeated the question.

"I don't know," he replied hesitantly. It's not that he didn't know what happened, he just didn't know why. And if even he didn't know why, how could he explain it to anyone else?

"You broke Henry, you at least-" Hyukjae started frustrated, before turning around and taking a deep breath to try and calm himself down.

"We don't want all the details," Heechul said composedly, slightly worried that maybe it hadn't only been a kiss and he really didn't need to know. "Just the global story."

Kyuhyun glanced back at Henry, who was still sitting next to Donghae completely broken, and decided that if he wanted to at least fix what was left of a possible friendship, he needed to speak up and explain. If not for Henry, at least for Donghae and Hyukjae who seemed quite upset with Kyuhyun as well.

"He uh-," Kyuhyun started, instantly earning him the full attention of Heechul and Hyukjae, "He seemed upset. I tried to make him feel better by hugging him, which seemed to help. And then he kissed me."

His voice became louder. Loud enough for everyone to hear.

"I swear, he kissed me. I would never do anything to hurt Henry. He is my friend!" Tears started to well up in his eyes, but he didn't allow them to fall. He had never had friends before, and now that he finally did - something he had secretly wanted all his life - something completely out of his control happened and took it all away from him.

"Upset, huh," Heechul repeated softly, as if he suddenly understood everything. Kyuhyun only nodded absentminded in reply and failed to notice Heechul's sudden worried look on his face.

But before they could talk about it more, and  before Kyuhyun had built up enough courage to walk up to Henry and to beg for forgiveness - deliberately ignoring his own mind screaming at him that he had liked kissing Jongwoon, because it would and could _never_  happen again anyway - the door of Jungsu's office opened forcefully.

"I am done with you. Get out," Jungsu said sternly, walking up to the exit door with a rapid pace. 

"Hyung," Jongwoon said, with utter disbelieve while walking out of the office as well but didn't follow his hyung towards the door. "You can't just- After all we've been through, you are kicking me out over this?"

He pointed at Henry, sounding both angry and insulted. And for once he didn't care about all the people staring at him.

"You've become a liability," Jungsu stated, also ignoring the others and acting as if it was just the two of them in a room, "As a man of rules you should know we get rid of liabilities."

He continued to walk towards the door and opened it. 

"A liability because of this?" Jongwoon asked, still in utter disbelieve of what he was hearing. He couldn't be serious, could he? Besides, they were friends, they together had built up Civiltry from scratch. It couldn't all just end because of one simple silly kiss. It was not his fault Henry felt the way he did.

"Not just this," Jungsu said, rather coldly. "You've changed. Ryeowook, Yunho, Changmin, Jongjin... We even had to save you from the gallows-"

"I didn't tell you to come to save me and break one of our rules. If that is how you really feel, maybe you should have just let me die!" Jongwoon retorted angrily, starting to become upset with everything he had been and was hearing.  
   
"Maybe I should have!" Jungsu replied without really thinking, instantly regretting it as he saw the heartbroken look on Jongwoon's face. Even though it was just for a second, the pain had been obvious. "Get out," he repeated after recomposing himself, but deliberately no longer looking at Jongwoon.

"Ya," Heechul started to interfere, wanting to make Jungsu stop what he was doing.

"Not now," Jungsu said, holding his hand up towards Heechul to emphasize.

"But-"

"No," he said, looking at Heechul sternly. He was still the leader, if he said Jongwoon was out, Jongwoon was out. He only tried to do what was best for their alliance. And in the past year, Jongwoon had been nothing but trouble. Causing disturbances in their once so united group. "Get out," he emphasized again, opening the door just a little bit more to show that he was really serious.

Jongwoon, who was still hurt by Jungsu's earlier comment, hadn't even noticed that Heechul tried to stop what was going on. How could Jungsu say it had been better for him to have died? It hurt. _It hurt a lot._

He angrily took off 2 of his rings and threw them on the ground harshly, before walking out without saying another word. If this was what Jungsu wanted, _then so be it_.

When Jungsu closed the door behind him, quite relieved that Jongwoon left without making too much of a scene, Heechul angrily walked up to him and hit him in his face. The others all gasped in response, lost for words. And even Jungsu gasped at it and looked at Heechul purely astonished.

"How could you!" Heechul yelled at him. "As his friend, I at least expected you to understand."

"What-" Jungsu started asking, confused by Heechul's sudden burst of anger.

"Yunho," Heechul stated, matter-of-factly, as if Jungsu should have known. "It's been a year today."

As he turned around, not wanting to see Jungsu at that very moment, Jungsu suddenly understood. And his loving feelings towards Jongwoon came back to him with a vengeance. _What had he done?_


	11. Chapter 11

The atmosphere was tense at the Civiltry hideout. Ever since Jungsu had kicked Jongwoon out, no one really had known what to do or how to respond to the situation.

Henry, in no way, felt like talking to Kyuhyun. Heechul was tremendously mad at Jungsu. Hyukjae had also gotten into a fight with Donghae, because Donghae wasn't really good at reading the mood and had made some quite inappropriate jokes. Sungmin and Donghee were just silently eating at the dinner table, and Han Geng, who had just arrived, deeply wished he had stayed away for the rest of the day.

Jungsu had withdrawn to his office with Youngwoon, after sending Siwon and Kibum away to fetch Ryeowook. What for, Kyuhyun didn't know. Maybe Ryeowook was the one he expected Jongwoon to run off to. The few times Kyuhyun had seen Ryeowook and Jongwoon together, they didn't really seem very close though. And he doubted Jongwoon would be dumb enough to run off to the royal castle after escaping the death penalty the way he had just a few weeks earlier. Wouldn't the king still be looking for him?

"You okay?" A voice suddenly asked, making Kyuhyun jump in surprise as he hadn't expected anyone to be willing to talk to him after what had happened. Donghae smiled at him comfortingly.

"Not really," Kyuhyun mumbled in reply, his guilt-ridden gaze quickly returning to the floor. He felt awful and fully responsible for everything that had happened. Next to that, some seemed extremely worried over Jongwoon and Kyuhyun had no idea why, making him feel even worse. 

' _Yunho, it's been a year today_ ,' Heechul had said to Jungsu, after hitting him in the face. Kyuhyun had never heard of this name before. Neither couldn't he understand what this Yunho had to do with Jongwoon kissing him, but apparently, according to Heechul, it would explain everything. And it also turned out to be the reason people were extremely worried about him disappearing. 

It had taken Jungsu mere seconds to run after Jongwoon, but he had already vanished. ' _Of course he has_ ,' Heechul had sighed annoyed when Jungsu returned saying Jongwoon had disappeared, ' _He isn't our best assassin for no reason_.'

The glistering of Jongwoon's silver rings suddenly caught Kyuhyun's attention. One obviously had to be his membership ring, but what could the second have been?

Donghae noticed Kyuhyun's gaze fixated on the second ring and sadly mumbled, "It's Jongjin's," as a way to explain.

Well, it didn't explain anything. It was just another name Kyuhyun could add to his list of names he had never heard of before.

_"Are you sure?" Jongwoon asked hesitantly, standing in front of a huge door which was probably bigger than his entire bedroom floor, swallowing nervously._

_"Hyung, trust me!" Ryeowook said, smiling as he took Jongwoon's hand. "They need to get used to you eventually."_

_He leaned in and kissed Jongwoon comfortingly._

_"Besides, my dad even asked me yesterday if you were still joining for dinner today, so I think he might be even more nervous than you are," Ryeowook said lightheartedly, continuing to smile for Jongwoon, even though he was quite nervous as well. His dad had never been fond of Jongwoon, but he had finally agreed on allowing Jongwoon to join their family dinner to get a better bond with his son's boyfriend._

_Jongwoon gave a small smile in return, too nervous to say anything out loud._

_"You are cute like this," Ryeowook giggled, squeezing Jongwoon's hand a little bit, before opening the giant door and revealing a large table and the king of Haven sitting at the head of it._

Kibum and Siwon returned with Ryeowook many hours later. Everyone instantly walked up to Ryeowook, who disappointedly told them he hadn't seen Jongwoon either. "Maybe he went to Changmin?" he opted, as he noticed everyone's helplessness after explaining he really didn't have much contact with Jongwoon anymore.

The fact that Ryeowook didn't know where Jongwoon was, was also a good thing however. Because if Ryeowook hadn't heard anything about him, he couldn't be captured. As he was pretty much the most wanted person in the kingdom of Haven, the one who escaped death, Ryeowook would be one of the firsts to know if he had been located. 

"Stop worrying," Kyuhyun heard Youngwoon saying to a depressed looking Jungsu, who both had finally joined everyone in the living room as soon as Siwon had gone to the office saying they had fetched Ryeowook. "Jongwoon does fine on his own. He is too stubborn to do anything stupid."

As Jungsu didn't reply, Youngwoon hugged Jungsu tightly and sighed. He knew Jungsu hadn't meant for Jongwoon to leave completely. He just wanted to let him know a lot of things happened and that it was time for Jongwoon to just leave for a while and return when he got his mind straight again. Jongwoon always had been the more explosive kind, taking things to the heart, but he would always settle after a few days and return a different person. But this time, circumstances weren't like they had been before. This time, Jungsu knew he had made a mistake and Jongwoon wasn't going to return.

"Let's go to Changmin, then," Heechul sighed after a while as no one seemed to have a better idea, standing up from his seat next to Henry, who was back to his usual cheerful-looking self - even though his eyes told differently -, and walking towards the two rings that were still on the floor before picking them up. "For safekeeping," he mumbled, more to himself than anyone watching him.

With Jungsu obviously too depressed to currently act as their leader, Heechul felt like he should temporarily take over that role. He was the second oldest after all. His worry over his friend should not distract him, even though deep inside it probably did.

"Who is joining?" he asked encouragingly, after recomposing himself and putting the rings in his pocket. But no one replied. "Okay," Heechul sighed slightly annoyed, before calling out the names of the people who probably were closest related to the whole ordeal, "Kyuhyun, Henry, Jungsu, let's go!"

_"See, I told you they were okay with it!" Ryeowook said cheerfully to his boyfriend while walking hand-in-hand through the castle hallways, nearly dancing out of pure happiness. Dinner had been a huge success and the king and queen had kindly talked with Jongwoon as if they fully accepted him as their son's significant other._

_Even though they had been dating for more than 2 years already, and had been very serious from the start, the king had always rejected letting Jongwoon join any family-occasions and had scolded Ryeowook for being gay multiple times. And even though Jongwoon had never officially met the king, they had regularly walked into each other when Jongwoon was visiting Ryeowook. It_ _had never_ _been a pleasant experience for any of them. But it seemed that the king had finally accepted things for how they were and it made Ryeowook extremely happy._

_Jongwoon was quite happy and relieved too. He loved Ryeowook, but_ _family_ _was very important to him. He didn't know if he could have stayed with Ryeowook if Ryeowook's father and mother never accepted him._

_"Do you still want to -" Ryeowook started asking, after a while of silence. Slightly hesitant to finish his sentence, because he didn't want to push Jongwoon into anything he didn't want to._

_"- find a house together?" Jongwoon finished the sentence, earning an overly enthusiastic nod from Ryeowook, making him smile lovingly. "Of course," he answered happily. Especially now Ryeowook's family seemed content with him, there was basically nothing to stop them from bringing their relationship to a whole different level._

_There was nothing that could stop them from finally being happy together._

Kyuhyun was happy Heechul was dragging him along to Changmin. From what Kyuhyun knew, Changmin was a doctor who also tried to help as many orphans as he possibly could. He was the one that would come over to Civiltry to ask for their help with feeding the orphans. A person like that could only be a good person, Kyuhyun concluded. He had always wanted to meet the person who they would steal that much food for.

Henry wasn't sure what to think. He didn't know what was going on, and his mind was too much of a mess to really register anything. He had actually forgotten where they were going and just followed Heechul and Jungsu obediently, who were walking in front of him.

Heechul was very actively trying to convince Jungsu that everything would be fine, and that Jongwoon would probably just be with Changmin, laughing and making bad jokes like the 2 of them used to do all the time together. And maybe reminiscing good times. Besides, Jongwoon had nowhere else to go, so it had only been logical for him to go there.

Jungsu still felt like crap. He had never been good with remembering dates, but felt like the biggest screw-up for the fact that he had completely failed to realize that today was the day Yunho had died. That last night had been exactly, up until the minute, 1 year ago since Yunho had died. And he had known Jongwoon wasn't well with death, they had all seen it before. Jungsu had not only failed as a leader, but also as a friend.

They arrived at a small doctor's practice a few blocks away from their hideout, located in one of the poorest areas of Haven. The inside of the practice seemed luxurious though, a complete contrast with what was going on on the outside.

"Can I help you?" A beautiful girl asked from behind the counter, smiling politely at them.

"Is Changmin here? We need to speak to him, it's an emergency," Jungsu said, suddenly worried that today also was a very dark day for Changmin and he possibly might have skipped work because of it. 

"Of course, who can I say is looking for him?" The girl answered politely, already standing up to walk to her boss with the message. Jungsu sighed in relief.

"Old friends," came the reply.

_Jongwoon woke up to sunlight hitting his face. It was the first time he had slept over at Ryeowook's. They had spent the night together many times before, but always at Jongwoon's, as Jongwoon obviously had never been really welcome at the castle. But today, it had finally happened; he had spent his first night in the castle._

_And a good night too. He had been intimate with Ryeowook many times before, but last night had felt extra special. It had been a lot more intense and loving than usual._

_"Good morning," Ryeowook chirped, already having been awake for quite a while and had just looked at Jongwoon's sleeping face lovingly for the time being. Jongwoon looked over at him and smiled before shifting to place his lips on Ryeowook's._

_It was a good kiss._

_"Do I really have to go?" He asked, pouting cutely to emphasize that he really didn't want to leave Ryeowook yet. But Ryeowook nodded sadly._

_"I have a lot of prince duties today, " he sighed, "And I'm pretty sure my dad will hate you again if you make me fail my duties," he added jokingly._

_They kissed again, a little longer this time. Both dreading having to say goodbye. But eventually, a servant came to tell Ryeowook that he was being summoned by his father, and they hastily said their goodbyes._

_"I love you," Ryeowook sighed after one last kiss. "I really do,"_

_"I know," Jongwoon replied, feeling those everlasting butterflies in his stomach like he always did when Ryeowook was around, "I love you too."_

Kyuhyun looked around the doctor's office intrigued. It looked far from poor, despite the area of town it was in. He also noticed a picture he had also seen in Jungsu's office before. A picture of a good-looking man, smiling happily as if no worries were on his mind.

"I haven't seen him," Changmin said, after Jungsu had mentioned that they kind of had lost Jongwoon that morning. "What did you do?" He then asked Jungsu, suspiciously. He knew Jungsu well and the look on his face definitely spoke of guilt.

"I kicked him out," Jungsu admitted shamefully, "I had forgotten that today -" His voice cracked and he stopped explaining. How could he explain to Changmin that he had forgotten that Yunho had died today exactly one year ago? Yunho, who had been Changmin's boyfriend at that time? He had never felt so ashamed in his life.

Changmin nodded in understanding. "Don't worry, I'd like to forget about it as well," he said comfortingly, reaching out to squeeze Jungsu's hand for just a second. A sudden sadness appeared in his eyes, making Kyuhyun feel sorry for him despite that he had no idea who Yunho was and what his relationship had been with Changmin.

The man on the picture had to be Yunho, he figured. _Had he died a year ago?_

"How are you holding up?" Heechul asked Changmin, slightly worried about Changmin and forgetting about finding Jongwoon for a second.

"I'm okay," Changmin sighed, his eyes looking for Yunho's picture as a way to convince himself that he really was okay. "At least, I will be again tomorrow."

Heechul and Jungsu nodded understandingly and smiled at Changmin comfortingly. Today was a day of remembering, a day that it was okay to be sad. Changmin obviously had some tears welling up in his eyes, thus Heechul stood up and placed his arm around his friend, rubbing his back as a way to ease the pain.

Suddenly, Changmin turned to look at Kyuhyun and Henry, who were awkwardly standing in the corner of the room. "New members?" he asked, trying to change the subject away from Yunho.

"Ah," Jungsu mumbled, already forgotten that they hadn't met before. "Changmin, meet Henry our new sniper, and Kyuhyun our new - " he hesitated for a second before finishing, "- thief."

Changmin didn't notice Jungsu's hesitation and walked up to Henry and Kyuhyun before sticking his hand forward politely. "Nice to meet you, I am Changmin. Former active member of Civiltry, and your emergency doctor."

And as Henry and Kyuhyun turned to shake Changmin's hand, he said, "So, Jongwoon is missing you said? Tell me the whole story."

And as they told Changmin all about what had happened earlier at the hideout, he nodded understandingly and didn't say a word until they were finished.

_Jongwoon had never felt happier before in his life. He had a great family who accepted him for who he was, he had a great boyfriend, his boyfriend's family finally accepted him as part of the family, and the sex that night had simply just been incredible. Nothing could ruin a perfect day like this._

_He soon left the_ _upper-class_ _district and walked into the poorer district, the place he originated from and where he and his family still lived. He wasn't rich or noble like Ryeowook, but Ryeowook had always said he didn't mind._

_Ryeowook even had said that that was what he liked so much about Jongwoon, because 'you can't be normal with money up your ass'. Jongwoon had jokingly replied that Ryeowook was actually one of those, but Ryeowook had instantly retorted that he just lived_ _off_ _his father's wealth and had basically no money of his own._

_It still made Jongwoon smile._

_As he walked up the small stone path towards his front door, he noticed the door was slightly ajar. That was strange. His father never left the door unlocked,_ _especially_ _because the neighborhood they lived in wasn't known for safety._

_And as Jongwoon pushed the door open further, he had no idea that his life was about to change completely, and that the happiness he had felt before wouldn't return to him for a very long time._

' _Try his parent's house,_ ' Changmin had opted after they had finished explaining what had happened before. And despite that Changmin had admitted he was worried about Jongwoon too, he couldn't leave his job to join them to the mentioned house. He said he would come by Civiltry later after he finished work to check up on them, and wished them well.

As they reached the front yard of the rather small cottage they had been looking for, Kyuhyun suddenly felt eerie. The front yard seemed unattended, some windows were broken and the air felt heavy. Something didn't feel right.

Henry suddenly grabbed Kyuhyun's hand, also feeling extremely uncomfortable by the atmosphere, before looking at the person whose hand he had just grabbed and released it again in near horror. Kyuhyun felt a bit upset with Henry's reaction, but also relieved that somehow Henry's mind still looked for Kyuhyun in times of distress. Maybe their friendship wasn't completely broken after all.

"Kyuhyun," Jungsu said, pointing at the front door's lock. Kyuhyun nodded in reply and picked it within seconds. 

The door creaked open and cold wind greeted Kyuhyun's face. The first thing his eyes laid eyes on freaked him out. He hurriedly pulled the door back in its lock and was about to turn around and run away in pure terror.

Jungsu and Heechul looked at him a bit worried, and even Henry looked at him from the corner of his eyes to not let Kyuhyun know he was watching, also slightly worried.

"I'm not going in there," Kyuhyun stated, matter-of-factly, as he noticed them looking at him. "There's- I saw- I- I don't-" he stuttered.

"We know," Heechul interrupted, noticing Kyuhyun being upset and wondering if maybe he should have warned him before making him pick the lock. "We need to get in there before anyone sees us," he explained quickly, his eyes scanning around warily to make sure no one was looking at them. They didn't have time for this right now.

Kyuhyun gulped and picked the lock once again, knowing that Heechul was right. He still didn't feel good going in there though, but being outside felt just as dangerous.

As the door creaked open again and the cold wind blew into his face, Heechul pushed him inside hastily, while Jungsu grabbed Henry's hand and pulled him inside as well.

"What the-" Henry exclaimed semi-angrily, as the door slammed shut behind him, but he quickly covered his mouth, terrified, as he noticed what Kyuhyun had seen before. Dried up blood and gore all around. Blood spatters covering the walls and even parts of the ceiling, while dried up pools of blood were present on the floor, next to bloody trails as if someone heavily bleeding was dragged across the house.

The house was also dusty; Kyuhyun doubted anyone had been in here since whatever took place here. Dust even partly covered the bloody trails. Jongwoon couldn't possibly be here. And who would ever willingly want to be here?

Heechul ignored the scene around him and just walked towards the living room - as if he had seen it all before. Jungsu was no different and started checking some of the other rooms behind closed doors.

Kyuhyun and Henry looked at each other for just a second before simultaneously reaching for each other's hand. No words were spoken as they carefully made their way together towards the living room as well, trying hard to not stand on any of the blood. Even though it had dried up long ago, it still felt disgustingly inappropriate to stand on any of it.

"What happened here?" Henry asked as they caught up with Heechul, utterly worried as to why Jongwoon's parental home was covered in blood and abandoned like this. Heechul didn't pay attention to them and looked at someone to their right.

Jongwoon absentmindedly stared out of a dusty and broken window into the backyard, before sighing and turning around to face the three of them. He had already noticed the intruders breaking into his home and he wasn't too pleased with them being there.

"I dated Ryeowook," was his short answer.


	12. Chapter 12

"I dated Ryeowook," Jongwoon said, having turned to look at Heechul, Kyuhyun and Henry who were standing in the blood covered room with him. He had expected Heechul to come over and find him, but he hadn't expected Kyuhyun and Henry to be there too.

It didn't take Jongwoon long to realize Kyuhyun and Henry hadn't known about anything that had happened here until now. They looked utterly scared and disturbed by the blood around them, and for a short second, he felt sorry for them. But he quickly realized why he was here in the first place and recomposed himself before asking, "Why are you here?"

Jungsu, who was just about to go into Jongjin's room to check if Jongwoon was there, heard Jongwoon's voice and quickly joined them in the living room. Jongwoon looked at him completely emotionless, the way he always looked at Jungsu whenever they had a disagreement - and they'd had plenty of them. 

"I'm sorry," he quickly said, knowing that Jongwoon deserved an apology and probably also demanded one before even considering to speak to him. "I didn't realize Yunho-" He didn't know how to finish that sentence without dying of shame.

Jongwoon just kept intensely staring at him, making Jungsu feel extremely uncomfortable.

"We do have things to talk about," he continued bravely after taking a deep breath as a way to encourage himself, "but I had no right to kick you out like that in front of anyone. Let's just return to the others and-"

"Why did you take the front door?" Jongwoon suddenly asked, sounding both accusative and worried. His emotionless expression turned into worry, something Jungsu immediately noticed.

"I-" Jungsu started, but Jongwoon wasn't done talking.

"They are watching this house, why would you take the front door?" He rattled, still sounding accusative, while looking out of the front window briefly before looking back at Jungsu again. "Why didn't you take the secret entrance? Did anyone follow you?"

 _How could they have been this stupid?_  Jongwoon wondered, as the realization of them simply taking the front door started to set in.

"We were worried about you, we didn't think-" Jungsu mumbled, his leader-like demeanor crumbling as fast as it had returned to him, an effect Jongwoon seemed to have on Jungsu quite often.

As Heechul noticed Jungsu started to falter, he quickly added, "We figured you would've locked the entrance if you were indeed here," Jongwoon seemed to accept that answer, but still looked worried. "Look, whatever you two have to discuss, we should discuss it at home. I don't feel comfortable being... here."

He motioned to the scene around him. 

In the corner of his eyes, Heechul also noticed Henry and Kyuhyun still looking around terrified and he felt like they shouldn't let their youngest be around in this environment any longer either.

"Then leave, I'm not telling you to stick around or even come here," Jongwoon snapped annoyed, "I'm not going back to a place where _someone_  wished he had let me die instead of saving me."  He still remembered the words Jungsu had said to him clearly, and no sorry could make up for the pain that that had caused.

He turned to warily but carefully stare outside of the front window again, making sure really no one had followed them and simultaneously no longer having to face them; he didn't want to anyway. He had made up his mind the minute he had walked out of their hide-out; he was done and would never return no matter what any of them said.

Aside from his problems with Jungsu, he doubted he could face Kyuhyun and Henry anytime soon, and he was quite sure all the others were pretty distraught with what had happened earlier that night. His reputation was already ruined, he had no reason to go back there. 

"I didn't mean-" Jungsu started, but was interrupted by Kyuhyun.

"Did Ryeowook do this?" he asked, finally being able to pull himself together. His curiosity took over and if Ryeowook was capable of doing this if you merely dated him - not to imagine what he was capable of if he hated you -, why would they even allow him to be part of Civiltry? Kyuhyun suddenly felt extremely uneasy and was even considering sticking around Jongwoon in his blood covered home, instead of returning to the hide-out himself. Jongwoon felt like... the better option at this point. A kiss suddenly didn't feel like such a big problem anymore.

Jongwoon, Jungsu, and Heechul turned to stare at Kyuhyun and Henry, who were still clutching each others' hand as if their lives depended on it. Kyuhyun, however, seemed a little less disturbed by his surroundings and looked at them mostly curious. Henry looked at them as well, but obviously still extremely startled. 

"No," Jongwoon answered after a few seconds of wondering how Kyuhyun could possibly think Ryeowook would be capable of doing anything like this, and for a moment forgetting everything that had happened between the two of them, "his father did."

"The king?" Henry questioned thunderstruck, to no one in particular, slowly coming back to earth and starting to realize that despite that he was horrified by what had taken place here, he wasn't the one having to live with knowing what had happened every single day. He should stop acting the way he did and start to consider others' feelings. 

Jongwoon and Heechul nodded in reply.

"For dating Ryeowook?" Kyuhyun continued to ask, still not fully understanding what had actually happened. Jongwoon nodded slowly, his eyes suddenly filled with sorrow and fixated on a dried pool of blood not too far from Kyuhyun's feet. Kyuhyun started to feel bad for bringing it up. "Is any of the-," he started, gesturing at the blood around them as he didn't want to mention the actual word, "yours?"

Jongwoon shook his head, "No, I wasn't at ho-"

Sudden loud noises surprised them. The front door was flung open, windows were smashed and some things were thrown inside.

They all looked towards the middle of the room and noticed multiple burning torches on the floor, flames dancing around as they grew more and bigger.

"Surround the house, let no one escape!" a voice yelled from the outside. "We will get him this time!"

Jongwoon looked horrified as the flames started to spread around them rapidly, engulfing the couch, wooden tables, and even the family pictures that had still been on the wall. This was his home, his life, these were his _memories_. The only place that reminded him that life hadn't always been the way it was, was about to perish.

He quickly walked forward to grab one of the torches to throw them back out, but Jungsu launched at him, pulling him away. "We need to go!"

"No," Jongwoon said, his voice filled with utter panic, "No, I can't- I need to-" He took a deep shaky breath, trying hard to refrain himself from losing it completely, while looking around hopelessly trying a way to stop the fire from spreading and destroying everything that he had.

Kyuhyun and Henry looked around terrified as the flames closed into them. Knowing the house had been surrounded by guards, how on earth were they going to get out of here alive? Were they going to get out of this alive? Kyuhyun highly doubted it.

"I'm sorry," He suddenly said, looking into Henry's eyes guilt-ridden. Henry looked back at him for a brief moment, before looking around again - looking for a way to get out safely. They could discuss their problems later, they had plenty of time left in their lives to make up and forgive and forget, he was sure of it.

Heechul had run towards the basement door as soon as he noticed torches flying in. When the first window was broken, he had already noticed things didn't look good and that there was trouble lurking outside. Luckily, the door of the basement wasn't locked by Jongwoon as he had expected it to be, and he realized there was a way out of all of this. A way to safety. 

He gestured for Kyuhyun and Henry to run towards him, and when they finally did he ran forward, grabbed their hands and pulled the two of them towards him harshly before pushing them inside the basement, making them nearly fall down the steep stairs. _They didn't have all day_.

Jongwoon was still frantically trying to save his home, or at least some of the stuff inside of it which had great emotional value to him. But there was no time, the flames spread and the smoke started to become stiflingly thick rather quickly. He motioned for Jungsu to just grab Jongwoon and to run his way, before the hall would be blocked by flames and falling debris; Jungsu complied. He pulled Jongwoon with him harshly, who at that point had given up on everything, even life itself, and the three of them followed Henry and Kyuhyun inside the basement.

As Henry and Kyuhyun had no idea what to do in the basement, they just stood in the dark and waited. It felt like it took hours for the others to finally join them, coughing from the inhaled smoke, even though it had only been seconds. Adrenaline rushed through their bodies, but Kyuhyun had no idea how that was supposed to help him or to make his instinct respond properly to the situation - it only seemed to make him panic even more.

Heechul said nothing as he hurriedly walked towards a shelf in the far back. And to Kyuhyun's and Henry's surprise, the shelf flung forward and revealed a dark corridor.

Sounds above them made clear the house was about to collapse completely, some guards were even heard to cheer, and the basement started to slowly give out as well. They needed to go.

"Our secret passage," Heechul said, as Jungsu rushed an involuntary Jongwoon into the corridor. "We used to come here for Civiltry meetings," he mumbled explanatory, as Henry and Kyuhyun hastily followed Jungsu and Jongwoon, confusion was written all over their faces as they did.

They ran for a few minutes before they started to slow down. Flames didn't follow, the sounds of blazing fire, falling debris and cheering guards subdued and the heat felt radiating from the flames turned into cold, humid air from being underground.

After what seemed like forever, they finally got to a ladder, leading them up to a hatch hidden in a small and dirt covered alley. Kyuhyun didn't recognize the alley, even though he pretty much knew all streets in Haven as they were once considered his home.

They silently continued to make their way back to the hide-out; every once in a while looking behind them to make sure that this time, they weren't being followed.

_Jongwoon slowly closed the basement door, his eyes instantly locking on the trail of blood in the hallway he had just entered. It had completely dried out, but he remembered clearly how it had still been wet the last time he had been here._  
   
For a brief moment, his mind told him to get out of there. But he had nowhere else to go to, so he ignored the burning desire to leave.

_He hated how he could still remember which pool of blood was whose._

_Images of his parents, grandfather,_ _and_ _cousin Leo dead on the floor flashed in front of his eyes as he walked up to and crouched near a large pool of dried blood in the living room. This was where his dad had been lying when he walked in; his eyes had been wide open, terrified, but he had no longer been breathing._

_The sounds his mom had made after he had found his_ _dad,_ _before she begged him to kill her, still lingered in his ears. The gurgling of blood, her labored breathing, the desperation in her voice. And despite that she had looked at him_ _gratefully_ _and was able to tell him she loved him, it didn't make up for the pain that Jongwoon had endured and the sorrow he had felt, for killing his own mother out of sympathy._

_God, he really didn't want to be here._

_Maybe Jungsu had been right, maybe it would have been better if he had just died instead of them saving him. It surely would have ended his suffering._

_He bit his lower lip as he realized the things he was thinking were in no way respectful towards his deceased family. They would have wanted to live, and they would have wanted him to make the best out of his life as it was still granted to him._

_How dared he to think this way, standing in the place they had taken their last breaths?_

_He stood up from the spot he was still crouched at, and slowly made his way towards Jongjin's room. His eyes followed the trail of blood coming from his little_ _brother's room_ _, which led towards the front door, as he walked past it. The thought of Jongjin crawling outside in search of safety while heavily bleeding - maybe even in search of him - still gave him shivers. He didn't want to know how badly his little brother had suffered._

_Even though he had never recovered his body, he was sure the king and his disciples had taken care of it. The outside of the house had looked completely normal and blood-free, probably cleaned thoroughly, as the king would probably never want people to suspect something horrible had happened. His brother's body had no longer been outside, even though the trail of blood had led to the front door. And that hurt Jongwoon even more, as he had wanted to see with his own eyes what they had done to him._

_He slumped down on Jongjin's bed and sighed before lying down on his back, ignoring the blood that still covered the mattress. He just wanted to sleep. Sleep, and forget all about his family, Yunho, the fight with Jungsu, kissing Kyuhyun, Henry's sad and disappointed eyes. He just didn't want to think or feel anything anymore._

_He slept for a few hours, filled with nightmares, before returning to the living room, wondering whether he had to clean the house if he wanted to live here_ _comfortably,_ _when he heard a noise coming from the front door. He quickly looked outside and noticed 4 familiar faces. Heechul was obviously encouraging a clearly upset Kyuhyun to get back to the house, while Jungsu and Henry just stood at the side, faces unreadable from where Jongwoon was standing._

_He sighed and turned to stare out of the back window, out of view from anyone._

_Why couldn't they just leave him alone for the rest of the day?_

Hyukjae and Donghae had made up not too long after others had left to find Jongwoon. Hyukjae didn't want to admit it, but secretly he loved Donghae's inability to read the room.

Maybe at such a moment it really wasn't appropriate or appreciated, but everyone could always laugh about it afterward, making even the worst moments a little more easily forgotten.

Donghae was quite hurt by the words Hyukjae had said to him earlier, but one small kiss from the later and Donghae was already forgotten anything ever happened. That being said, they still were quite worried about their friends and tried to find explanations for everything.

"So, because Jongwoon can't get over Yunho's death, he acts weird like he always does when it comes to death. He kissed Kyuhyun against Kyuhyun's will, basically mouth raping him. Henry woke up at the wrong moment and figured something else was going on. Henry smashed the place, including Jungsu's favorite cup. Jungsu got angry over it and kicked Jongwoon out after blaming it on him," Hyukjae summed up as their final recap, being sure that this was what had happened and why it had.

"Sounds about right," Donghae nodded in agreement, putting the quill he had lovingly borrowed from an unknowing - and probably objecting -Jungsu down on the parchment with their investigation and findings written on it.

Kibum laughed genuinely at it, which caught Donghae and Hyukjae's attention. "What's wrong?"

"You guys are too funny," Kibum said, still laughing full heartedly at their recap of the situation. "This isn't one of your silly drama plays that you like to watch at the theatre," he explained as both of them still looked at him confused. Everyone knew Donghae and Hyukjae loved going to the theatre to watch plays - especially the dramatic ones.

"We know that," Donghae retorted sulking, a bit insulted that Kibum took them for drama enthusiasts. "What other explanation can there be, then?"

Kibum shrugged. "Maybe Jongwoon just likes Kyuhyun, and vice versa," he mumbled, before returning his gaze back to the book he was reading to take his mind off of things.

"Would-" Hyukjae started, ready to overthrow their entire analysis for a new one, but the door was suddenly opened and the people they were discussing came walking in, all looking more oddly than usual.

Heechul looked nearly piteous, Henry seemed extremely distraught and Kyuhyun somewhat anxious, Jungsu's guilt-ridden face had only eyes for Jongwoon, while Jongwoon was simply expressionless. The atmosphere, which had finally been somewhat restored after hours of uneasiness, suddenly became heavy again.

"Jongwoon, I'm really sorry," Jungsu said sorrowful, grabbing Jongwoon by his shoulder in a way to keep him close by. As if he was scared Jongwoon would run off again. "We didn't know-"

Jongwoon harshly tugged his shoulder away from Jungsu's hand after sparing him one cold but saddened look, before walking straight towards the practice room without saying a word, locking the door behind him. Out of view from everyone, he crumbled to the floor and started to cry inaudibly.

As most had come walking over to welcome them back, they looked at Jungsu, Heechul, Kyuhyun, and Henry confused. Jongwoon really wasn't the person to run away from a fight, and Jungsu did apologize to him. Despite that the things that happened that morning seemed tough, it hadn't seemed insurmountable. What had happened for him to look the way he did, and locking himself in the practice room like that?

"What happened?" Youngwoon asked what everyone was thinking, as he walked up to Jungsu who seemed extremely upset. Even more so than that morning when he had withdrawn to his office together with Youngwoon.

Jungsu shook his head in reply, unable for the words to come out of his mouth. He had never in his life expected he would screw things up this badly. Jongwoon hadn't deserved any of this.

"His parent's house," Heechul replied instead, sighing sadly, "They burned it down."

And suddenly, all of their hearts started to hurt. Most of them had been there when Jongwoon had run into their hide-out, crying his eyes out, covered in blood. Screaming incoherent things and having to be calmed down for hours on end before he could tell them his family had been butchered.

Having their home burned down, on today of all days, it must be unbearable. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this chapter was really hard for me to write. I got stuck and blegh. So it turned out like crap, but please bear with me and just look forward to the next chapter which hopefully will come easier and will suck a lot less than this one <3 
> 
> Comments = love!

It had been 24 hours since Jongwoon had locked himself up in the practice room. He refused to come out, or at least they thought he did as he didn't respond to them when they asked something through the door. And even though Kyuhyun could have easily picked the lock, they had decided it was better to just leave him for now. He had suffered yet another great loss, so it was understandable that he wanted to be alone.

As the hours grew longer, however, many started to worry and would occasionally just stand at the other side of the door talking to him; hoping for any reply or respond. It never came.

Jungsu hadn't been much different. He seemed to blame himself for the things that had happened, even though Kyuhyun wasn't sure why. It had been Heechul who dragged them towards the front yard, after Changmin had mentioned Jongwoon's parental home, to begin with, not Jungsu.

Heechul had also tried to tell Jungsu that he did nothing wrong, that if Jongwoon had to blame anyone it should be him instead for not thinking properly, but Jungsu didn't want to listen and just waved it away. He soon retreated to his own office and hadn't been seen for quite a while now too.

Changmin had joined all of them several hours later, finding out only then what had happened after they had left his practice. When they told him about the house being burned down, he looked utterly worried and decided without hesitation to stay the night. Every hour he would walk up to the practice room door and would talk to Jongwoon for at least fifteen minutes, hoping for anything in return.

"Ya," he eventually said defeatedly, after yet another fifteen minutes of talking about all kinds of stuff from their past. His worry started to set in and he really needed a reply, _any reply_ , to make sure he at least didn't do anything stupid. "I will let Kyuhyun open this door if you won't at least let us know you are okay in there."

He motioned for Kyuhyun, who had been eyeing Changmin for a while, to come on over and help out. Kyuhyun instantly sprung up and walked up towards him.

"We are going to open the door, okay?" Changmin said loud enough for Jongwoon to hear, before nodding at Kyuhyun to start doing his thing. But as Kyuhyun reached out to the lock with his usual tool in hand, something suddenly was thrown from the inside against the door, indicating that Jongwoon was at least still alive.

"Fair enough," Changmin mumbled, nearly looking disappointed that they didn't have a reason to go inside, but also relieved that there was a sign of life. "Next time," he said to Kyuhyun, placing his hand on an even more disappointed looking Kyuhyun's shoulder and smiling encouragingly before walking away. He hadn't missed out on the worried look on Kyuhyun's face that had been there ever since he had arrived.

Kyuhyun sighed and returned to his spot on the couch closest to the door. He didn't know why, but sitting close to it felt good. Whenever he walked too far away or lost sight of the door, his stomach would act up and he would feel an emotion he had never felt before. Was this what people meant when they worried over someone? If they did, it wasn't a feeling Kyuhyun wanted to experience ever in his life again. 

As he sat down, his eyes instantly automatically locked on the door again. He wasn't even sure why he was being like this, but he couldn't get his mind to focus on other things even if he tried.

A sudden plate filled with food that Donghee had just made for the Civiltry members was pushed into Kyuhyun hands, and he looked up in surprise.

"You need to eat eventually," Henry said, taking place next to Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun temporarily looked at Henry blankly, who softly smiled back at him, and didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected Henry to ever talk to him again in the first place.

Hyukjae and Donghae sat down on the other side of Kyuhyun and placed their own well-filled plates of food on their laps. Kyuhyun looked at their food and at his own plate and gulped - he couldn't help but feel nauseous at the mere sight of it.

Hyukjae and Donghae instantly hungrily attacked their plates, stuffing food in their mouths as if their lives depended on it, and occasionally even feeding each other because ' _you need to taste this, it's delicious!_ '. Henry took a few small, but tasteful, bites before looking at Kyuhyun - who by now was just playing with his food by stabbing his chopsticks into it and wishing for the food to just evaporate by looking at it, so he didn't need to eat it.

"Eat," he said sternly, "You haven't eaten for one and a half days now," he looked somewhat worried, and Kyuhyun started to feel upset and couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't thought about Henry and his feelings when Jongwoon started to kiss him. Henry was, after all, extremely important to him; how could he have thrown it all away without at least thinking about their friendship and considering if the kiss was worth it?

"I'm really not hungry," he mumbled in reply, avoiding Henry's eyes, looking everywhere but into them, and occasionally glancing over to the practice room's door worriedly - something Henry didn't fail to notice.

"It's okay to worry, I worry too," he said, a sad smile present on his face, " But not eating isn't going to solve anything," he added sternly, after recomposing himself and continued to eat while simultaneously encouraging Kyuhyun to do the same.

Reluctantly, Kyuhyun took a small bite because he didn't want to disappoint Henry, and instantly regretted swallowing it after chewing on it briefly. " I can't-" he started, but stopped to suppress his gag reflex.

Henry couldn't help but feel sorry for Kyuhyun. Despite the things that had happened, and despite that he was quite upset with him, he still cared about him. And even though the issues that had arisen between them had seemed insurmountable the day before, today his anger seemed to subdue and made room for worry instead. Kyuhyun looked like a mess - and Henry really didn't want Kyuhyun to feel the way that he did.

"You like him, don't you?" he suddenly asked, not looking forward to the rather predictable answer, but he just needed to hear it from Kyuhyun himself. Hyukjae and Donghae instantly stopped stuffing food in each other's faces and looked at Kyuhyun both anxiously and expectantly. They worried for Henry but also were curious to see if Kibum had been right when he said Jongwoon might just like Kyuhyun and vice versa.

"I really didn't, I-"  Kyuhyun started, panic arising in the pit of his stomach. This had been the question he had dreaded ever since him and Jongwoon had kissed. How could he properly explain this, without hurting Henry in the process?

"You didn't, but now you do," Henry stated matter-of-factly. And after Kyuhyun mumbled a nearly inaudible ' _I think so_ ,' Henry merely nodded in reply and looked away; his hunger for food having instantly disappeared.

_"We are going to open the door, okay?"_  Jongwoon could hear Changmin say from the other side of the door. He had been talking for quite a while about things they had done in the past - fun things, mostly - and Jongwoon appreciated his efforts. He had missed Changmin tremendously, but he just couldn't face him anymore. The things that had happened made him ashamed, and the guilt he felt towards his old friend was too much for him to overcome.

And it should have been enough of a reason for Changmin to never talk to him again too.

And despite that he really longed for Changmin's presence while feeling the way he currently did, it would be selfish to let Kyuhyun open that door. He didn't deserve Changmin, and he knew it.

He quickly grabbed a training sword that was lying close to him on the floor and flung it at the closed door harshly. The loud thump should be enough to refrain anyone from opening that door for the next few hours.

He was actually surprised Changmin asked Kyuhyun to assist him. The door lock wasn't that strong to begin with - one strong kick and it would fly right open. It's not like they hadn't broken it multiple times before. Like that one time when Hyukjae and Donghae had locked themselves in to do something only a couple would do, and they had kicked in the door to make sure they were okay, because of some weird sounds they could hear.

It had been a funny, and for some of them embarrassing, moment - but at this point, Jongwoon couldn't even laugh at it anymore.

And even though he had cried for hours yesterday, he couldn't even cry at this point anymore. He just felt empty and had no will to stand up and do anything but sitting on the cold hard floor of the practice room. He didn't have the energy to face anyone.

It was many hours later, and many one-sided talks from mostly Changmin's side, that the light in the living room was dimmed, and the small crack of bright light below the door faded. Jongwoon sighed and lay down on his back, feeling somewhat accomplished for making it through yet another day; because if it was up to him - his last living day had been years ago.

Kyuhyun tossed and turned restlessly every few seconds in his bed. The food he had eaten hours earlier still weighted heavily on his stomach, and the fact that Jongwoon wasn't sleeping next to him but was still voluntarily locked up without food or water to support him, didn't make him feel any better either.

He kept thinking about their shared kiss, and Henry's statement about him liking Jongwoon. ' _You didn't, but now you do_ '. He hadn't properly thought about it before, but the fact that he currently worried this much about his hyung, and kept thinking about their kiss while feeling a fluttery sensation in his stomach, probably did indicate that he indeed had developed certain feelings.

 Feelings he never really had felt before, as up until the last few weeks, his life had merely been about surviving the harsh outside world. He had always lived rather reclusive in order to remain safe and to not get involved with the wrong kind of people. No one was to be trusted on the streets of Haven.

Loving feelings where a whole new world for Kyuhyun, and he wasn't really sure he was liking it; up until this point, it had only brought him misery.

"Kyuhyun?" Someone suddenly whispered, waking Kyuhyun up from his thoughts. He looked to the side and saw no other than Henry standing next to his bed and looking up at him. "Can I join you?" 

Kyuhyun was surprised by the question, even more so than he was surprised earlier when Henry suddenly spoke to him about having to eat, but hurriedly moved aside to make room for him.

Henry crawled into the bed next to Kyuhyun and smiled politely to show that he appreciated it. Kyuhyun smiled back awkwardly and secretly wished it was too dark for Henry to notice his awkwardness.

They remained silent for a while, just lying in bed and looking at the dark ceiling closely above them, but they both knew they had to talk eventually. The bedroom probably wasn't the best place for it regarding privacy, but it was probably the best they could muster for now.

"I-" they both started at the same time, making them nervously giggle and looking away from each other. It had taken forever to find the courage to start talking, and now that courage had to be rebuilt again.

"I'm sorry," Kyuhyun eventually mumbled, his courage not completely restored but he figured he was the one who had to speak up first. "Henry, I really-"

"I know," Henry interrupted, smiling gratefully at his apology and having already long ago decided that he didn't need to hear it again - the apology Kyuhyun had made while Jongwoon's house was being burned down had been sincere and already fully accepted by Henry. "I don't know how to tell you this, but uhm..."

Kyuhyun could tell Henry hesitated to continue, but didn't want to compel him and remained silent.

"Love is about letting go, isn't it?" Henry asked, after a while of trying to find the right words to say what he wanted to say. Kyuhyun just looked at him confused, that confused that Henry could see it despite that it was quite dark in the room, and took a deep breath before continuing, "I don't think he likes me, it's time for me to move on."

"Henry," Kyuhyun mumbled intently, being both confused and shocked at the fact that Henry wasn't mad at him at all, and even decided to step down for Kyuhyun's sake. He really didn't have to. Kyuhyun had been out of line, a bad friend even, why was Henry being this nice to him still? "Henry, you shouldn't-"

"He doesn't smile a lot," Henry sighed, ignoring Kyuhyun completely and staring up at the ceiling absentmindedly. "But when you are around, he does," He turned back to Kyuhyun and smiled genuinely. "Make him smile for me, and make yourself smile for me because you look like crap lately," he finished bluntly.

"Ya," Kyuhyun said, hitting Henry teasingly. They played around or a few seconds before Kyuhyun asked the one question he really needed to ask. "So, we're okay?"

"Of course," Henry answered in all honesty, making Kyuhyun feel as if part of the weight he was carrying on his shoulders had been suddenly lifted. He didn't know how he could thank Henry more, but he would make sure he would never make Henry upset again; his new goal in life was not to make Jongwoon or himself smile - he would forever try to make Henry smile instead.

"Yunho really liked to get us into trouble, didn't he?" Changmin said laughingly, after telling yet another story to a probably reluctantly listening Jongwoon on the other side of the wall. He was sitting down against the wooden door, clutching a bottle of water that he intended to give to Jongwoon before the end of the afternoon. 

It was fine Jongwoon wanted to be alone, but 2 full days of no water and food simply wasn't healthy. And being a doctor and all, aside from being an extremely worried friend, Changmin could no longer accept it.

"You need to get out at some point," Changmin said after a short lingering and comfortable silence. He had gotten used to the fact that he was the only person talking of the two of them, even loving the fact that this way he could at least talk to Jongwoon again as the later had avoided him for a very long time, but it was time to get back in control of the situation.

Jongwoon, who was seated against the door on the other side, sobbed silently as he too remembered the troubles Yunho used to get them into. Bittersweet memories that he had tried to avoid thinking about for so long. 

Even though he had been so sure his tears had dried out completely the day before, during the night they started flooding again. A dream about his family being murdered, and their house being burned down, made reality return to him with a vengeance, and he hadn't stopped crying since. 

Changmin might mean well, but he wasn't improving the situation at all with his reminiscing stories about their deceased friend.

His eyes burned, and despite that he had been sure that a day or 2 being secluded from everything and everyone would solve his feelings, it turned out that it really didn't. He started to doubt if he would ever feel better again. It's not like he hadn't felt this bad before, but he always had a reason to continue fighting and remain strong - but today, those reasons seemed to no longer be there. For him, all reasons that he'd had simply didn't seem worth it anymore.

"I really don't want to force you," Changmin continued, standing up and facing the door directly, as Jongwoon fiercely wiped his own tears away - annoyed at how they kept coming over and over against his will, "But as a doctor I can't let you dehydrate or starve yourself to death."

' _And as a friend, I can't bear to watch this anymore_ ' Changmin bitterly thought to himself.

"Please Jongwoon," he nearly begged with a cracking voice, leaning against the door with one hand, desperate for Jongwoon to just accept the help he obviously needed - he didn't need to do everything by himself. 

Some of the other Civiltry members that were in the same room as Changmin, looked at him expectantly and hoped dearly that Jongwoon would at least allow Changmin to go in. They had felt extremely compassionate towards Jongwoon, but they also knew that if anyone was able to help him, it had to be Changmin.

Changmin bit his lower lip as no reply was heard, and sighed dejectedly. His shoulders drooped as he turned around and started to walk away, the bottle of water still clutched in his hand. The afternoon still had a few hours left, so he wasn't going to force himself in there just yet. But he was pretty sure he would have no other option left soon - and despite that he wasn't sure why Jongwoon had suddenly banished him from his life many months ago, forcing himself inside the room surely wasn't going to improve their already faltering relationship.

A sudden clicking sound made not only Changmin freeze on his spot.

"Did he-" Heechul gasped, having watched Changmin the past few hours walking back and forth towards the door and occasionally sitting down telling a story. He had been very hopeful Jongwoon would open the door for Changmin, but his hope had started to decay as time went by. 

He had wanted to just force himself inside at least one day ago, but he felt kind of guilty about what had happened and wasn't sure if he was the right person for Jongwoon to see. It had been extremely frustrating, to the point that Heechul had just left for the night to just forget about the whole thing for a moment. He had returned a few hours ago, a lot more composed and less angry at Jongwoon than before. But he had known Jongwoon was a very stubborn man and hadn't expected him to willingly unlock the door like he obviously just had.

Changmin looked at Heechul both surprised and somewhat relieved and quickly turned around. Placing his hand on the door handle, praying that it hadn't just been a random sound making them all believe something that didn't happen, and pushed it down. As the door opened, Changmin hurriedly went inside without thinking twice, and quickly closed the door behind him, knowing very well that Jongwoon had no intention to see anyone else as he hadn't come out himself.

What he found inside broke his heart, however. Jongwoon had already returned to his earlier spot on the ground, looking like a mess with his hair tangled, bloodshot red eyes, some tears still escaping his eyes, and sitting huddled up looking extremely fragile.

"I'm sorry," Jongwoon said tearfully, his voice shaking and small.

Changmin quickly walked over and sat down next to him, his arm placed over Jongwoon's shoulders before pulling him into a soothing hug.

"It's okay," he mumbled, as he traced his hand through Jongwoon's hair. "It's going to be okay."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is worse than the previous one. I am so sorry T-T Struggling hard with writing.
> 
> Comments = love!

Changmin had been in the room with Jongwoon for around 2 hours. Everyone on the other side of the door couldn't help but wonder how things were going inside, but as long as Changmin was with Jongwoon, they were convinced everything would be alright.

Actually, the two of them hadn't been very close the past year, despite being very good friends before. Ever since Yunho had died, Jongwoon obviously hadn't been interested in seeing Changmin anymore - and it had highly confused everyone. And despite the sad events that had led them up to finally being together in one room again, they truly hoped that it would at least help the two of them to grow closer again. 

Jongwoon might think he doesn't need anyone, but he obviously isn't as strong as he thinks he is. And even though he'd always had people he could go and talk to, Changmin, Yunho, and Jongwoon had always had a very special kind of friendship no one could replace.

"I missed this," Changmin sighed, as their conversation had gone from soothing, talking about the burned down house and Jongwoon's family, to memories of their shared past. Good memories, which obviously made Jongwoon feel a little better, and Changmin in the process as well. Jongwoon's tears had dried up a while ago, even though his eyes were still bloodshot red and looking sad and tired at the same time, he smiled softly in return nevertheless. It gave Changmin finally the opportunity to ask what he had wanted to ask for so long. "Why did you shut me out?"

Jongwoon quickly looked away from Changmin, suddenly remembering that he had indeed shut him out for a valid reason, and wondered what had gotten into him that he was talking to Changmin this freely. As if they were still the good friends they used to be. The good friends he secretly still wanted them to be.

"Reasons," he mumbled nearly inaudibly.

"What reasons?" Changmin asked, not having missed Jongwoon's answer.

Jongwoon made the mistake of looking at Changmin for a split second, seeing nothing but sadness and hurt in his eyes. He silently cursed at himself, for being dumb enough to look Changmin's way, and closed his eyes before taking a deep breath. 

He was already feeling like crap anyway, he doubted things could get any worse. So a little more than a year after everything had happened, Jongwoon would finally tell Changmin the mistakes he had made; the mistakes that had cost Yunho his life and had made Jongwoon feel like he wasn't worth the life he was given any longer.

_"Be careful," Changmin mumbled, feeling a bit more worried than usual. He hugged Yunho tightly but released him a mere second later; he didn't want to be too intimate with some of the others around, nor did he want them to think he was being overly worried._

_They all had done pretty dangerous missions before, risking their lives for a better Haven, but the mission of today just felt a little more meaningful than everything else had been up until today, and with that, it also felt slightly more dangerous. Because today, they aimed to kill Lee Minho - Leader of the royal guards and right-hand man of the King himself._

_It wasn't only Yunho he worried about; he also worried for Jungsu, Jongwoon, Donghae, Kibum and Zhou Mi who were all part of the plan. Being a doctor, he had treated many of them before after things had gone wrong. But he wasn't sure they would even return home this time if things did go wrong again. Attacking Minho surely wouldn't be taken lightly, and was most likely punishable by death if they weren't killed on sight already._

_Changmin had been one of two members who opposed to the idea when it was proposed; Ryeowook being the other. But they had decided to support the mission anyway, as the others seemed convinced it was the right way to go. It could even be the solution to everything, as killing the King's right-hand man might scare him enough to either step down as their King or to at least start to act differently - like a good King for once._

_"Minho is the one who should be careful," Yunho winked at Changmin while squeezing his hand, clearly noticing the worry in his significant other's voice and feeling quite honored to have someone this perfect worrying over him. "Stop worrying, we'll be fine."_

_Changmin nodded and looked to his side, where Hyukjae and Donghae clearly were having a conversation similar to their own._

_A few minutes later, Jungsu, Jongwoon, Kibum and Zhou Mi joined them as well, fully armed and dressed in the attire best suitable for their respective jobs. Changmin mildly wondered if they had taken a little longer to get dressed than Yunho and Donghae had, so the two of them could have some time with their loved one before they had to depart on their oh-so-dangerous mission._

_Jongwoon smiled politely as he noticed Changmin staring at him, but didn't come over to talk like he used to when he was still his upbeat self. Changmin could understand though, as many things had happened in the past year, but he still missed the Jongwoon that he once used to be. And he dearly hoped that after today, maybe Jongwoon could leave certain things behind, and return to his former self again._

_It was pretty clear to anyone that Minho had to be the one who had led the attack on Jongwoon's family a little less than a year ago, in name of the King. When Jungsu had proposed the idea of killing Minho for their cause, Jongwoon had instantly sprung up and supported the idea full heartedly. Changmin doubted the plan would have been accepted if Jongwoon hadn't been so passionate about it._

_"Ready?" Jungsu asked, as he came walking over towards Yunho and Changmin. He had already gone over to Donghae, who was now waiting at the door of their hide-out together with the rest of their mission team; only Jungsu and Yunho were missing. Yunho nodded and said a last quick goodbye to Changmin before they left._

_Changmin and Hyukjae sighed simultaneously before looking at each other. Both obviously worried, but also both convinced that if there was one team who could execute their task successfully, it was the team they had just sent away to finish what they had started many months ago._

_Donghae and Zhou Mi walked into the familiar tavern they had been visiting regularly for the past few months. Every Tuesday they would go over and stay for hours, as part of their plan, and this Tuesday was no different. Only this Tuesday would be the last time, as their plan was about to unfold._

_"Donghae, Zhou Mi!" Someone called out to them, and they turned to face no other than Lee Minho. He seemed happy to see them, which wasn't that odd considering the only reason they had been going to this tavern regularly was to get closer to him. It had all been part of the plan._

_They waved at him feigning enthusiasm and walked over towards his table. They exchanged quick greetings with some of the others who sat at the table as well, which they recognized as Minho's guard friends._

_Lee Minho was an interesting man, Donghae and Zhou Mi had found out. He was very fond of the Royal Family and they had no doubt he would do literally anything for them. He was trained by his own father, who himself had been the right-hand man of 2 of their previous Kings, and the things he was capable of was quite impressive._

_This impressive, that at one night Donghae had marched into Jungsu's office and told him that they couldn't kill Minho even with 100 people aiding them; the man was invincible! It had taken Jungsu and Hyukjae 3 days to calm him down and to convince him that he had to proceed with the plan and to not be scared of Minho the next time he saw him._

_Luckily that had been months ago. Nowadays, Donghae no longer feared Minho, as the weeks after that encounter, he had also learned that Minho had a more humane side to him. He was married, father to 2 young children, and liked to garden in his spare time. Donghae had then tried to convince Jungsu that they couldn't kill him because he was just an ordinary_ man, _but eventually saw that they really were left no other option. They either had to kill him, or he would eventually kill them instead. Minho surely was a man capable of doing so if he found out who they really were._

_The conversation between Minho, Donghae, Zhou Mi and Minho's fellow guards started with unserious matters. Jokes were made, laughs were shared, alcoholic beverages were ordered, and for a brief moment, it felt as if they were real friends._

_But the conversation quickly turned more serious._

_Civiltry had been quite active when it came to making the King's and his guards' lives hell. Continuously stealing food, money, weapons, and armor, leaving threatening notes at unpredictable places including on the King's desk, kidnapping guards as a warning, stealing important files from the King and making them public, ridiculing the king by ruining his statues etc. They tried hard to let the King, his army, and the people of Haven know they were still out there - they hadn't given up!_

_Minho had taken notice of their activities, and the past few weeks complained about them a lot. It at first had been hard for Donghae and Zhou Mi to act as if they also hated Civiltry, but it had become easier as time passed._

_"They even-" Minho continued his complaint but halted as he was quite embarrassed by what was about to come next._

_"What is it?" Donghae asked curiously, noticing Minho shamefully looking at the table top and couldn't help but be curious - even though he could already know the answer as he had been the one responsible for what was about to be told next, but because he was so engulfed in his acting he genuinely was curious and oblivious. As Minho shamefaced shook his head in reply, he urged, "Tell us, Hyung!"_

_Minho sighed and took a few minutes before he was able to mutter his shameful secret._

_"They stole my underwear," Minho mumbled nearly_ inaudibly, _before everyone at the table started laughing loudly, and he soon joined in as well. It was too ridiculous not to laugh at. And time, together with the alcohol, surely made things a lot funnier anyway._

_"Why would they do that?" Zhou Mi asked laughingly, still amused by the situation and knowing perfectly well that Donghae had been the one taking it with him. "And did they take it all, or were they so kind as to leave you at a spare behind?"_

_Minho shook his head while grinning to himself, "They took it all," he replied, "So there must be some poor men running around the lower district in way too expensive underwear now," he joked, doubting that an alliance like Civiltry would be able to just throw that expensive underwear away. They couldn't be rich, he was sure of that._

_Donghae fidgeted on his seat, his newly stolen underwear suddenly feeling a little less comfortable, and made a mental note to himself to throw it all out when he returned home._

_The conversation soon turned from Civiltry back to more light subjects, and Donghae and Zhou Mi soon forgot the time as it flew by naturally._

_Yunho sighed as he watched the church's clock from the small alley he was hiding in - it clearly stated it was near midnight, but there was no sign of either Donghae or Zhou Mi walking out with an intoxicated Minho. He should be drunk enough by now, so what was taking them so damn long?_

_Sadly, he couldn't just walk into the Tavern, as Yunho had been spotted by Minho and some guards before when he accidentally ran into them during a mission in the castle. He had managed to escape, but he was sure Minho would recognize him and was still searching for him many months after it had happened - Minho surely was humiliated because someone had broken into the Castle during his watch. They even had hung up posters with a drawing that was supposed to resemble Yunho, but luckily it didn't resemble him at all - he had still been able to walk on the streets without being recognized. He wasn't going to push his luck by facing Minho himself though._

_It took another 15 minutes before Donghae, at last, came stumbling outside with Minho, who barely could stand up straight. Donghae himself seemed rather intoxicated as well, but Yunho knew it had to be an act, as Donghae and Zhou Mi had agreed on not drinking too much alcohol this time so they could focus on their task. He couldn't help but admire Donghae's acting skills._

_As Donghae looked over at the dark alley Yunho was hiding in, Yunho quickly emerged and motioned his head towards the right. Donghae nodded slightly, only for Yunho to see, before making his way towards the agreed on_ house _. Yunho had made sure the way was safe enough, before having motioned for Donghae to go there._

_Jongwoon would be waiting for the three of them there._

_Yunho had seen some guards near the temporarily abandoned building they had agreed on - the usual occupants being away on a holiday - but had deemed it safe enough for them to proceed the plan. The guards probably were there by accident and wouldn't find it suspicious to see a drunk Minho with another drunk friend stumbling down the streets. It wasn't like Minho had never been drunk before, nor walked on the streets being drunk, with other drunk friends. He was quite notorious for his drinking._

Next _to that, Yunho knew how important it was for Jongwoon to finally be able to face Minho and to take his revenge for what had happened with his family. They did have Kibum on standby on a completely different location, for if Jongwoon's building was compromised or deemed unsafe, but luckily Jongwoon still got to do what he obviously needed to do._

_Yunho admired, but also worried about the fact that both Jongwoon and Kibum had been actively killing people for Civiltry without much hesitation. Both were deemed assassins and they were remarkably good at it. When Civiltry was just started, they had been a lot less violent as an alliance. They had all hoped they could achieve what they wanted on a more peaceful manner -  but time had taught them differently._

_Jongwoon had been the first to step up as much-needed assassin, the murder on his family_ being _the reason for his sudden dark-like change in demeanor, and Kibum, who had joined Cilviltry shortly before that, had become their natural second; he was working as one of Minho's more trusted guards and had spied for them ever since - he had been trained to kill and had no problems doing so._

_Most other Civiltry members would kill if they had to, but stayed away from it as much as possible, as they had a really hard time doing it - after all, even the worst kind of people still had a family and people who loved them. You can't just kill them, and not think about those that are left behind with utter hurt and confusion._

_Jungsu had also said that he wanted Civiltry to stay away from murder as much as possible because it could send the wrong kind of message to the people they tried so hard to protect. It could scare them, and that was not their intention. They wanted to give them hope, not give them more people to fear._

_As Donghae continued swaying towards the house they had agreed on, Yunho quickly made his way towards it himself, taking the necessary shortcuts to reach before Donghae and Minho would. He skillfully picked the lock and went inside quickly, making sure he was alone in the house, before turning on the lights._

_Not too long after, a knock was heard and he opened the front door as if he was answering his own house's door._

_"Has he been drinking again?" Yunho asked, acting as if he was a good friend of Minho and Donghae, and Donghae nodded drowsily in reply - still faking his own intoxicated mind. "Get in here, you two."_

_He pulled Donghae towards him and helped to support Minho as they went inside. A guard passing by looked at them questioningly, as he did recognize his own boss, but decided that the three of them had to be friends by the way they were acting and left. Another guard wasn't that convinced_ however, _and stood to stare at them for a tad bit longer until the door was closed._

_"Stay a few minutes, then go," Yunho said to Donghae, who seemed utterly relieved to have made it this far. "Go straight towards the hide-out, I saw Zhou Mi leaving the tavern not too long after you."_

_Donghae nodded pensively. "Are you sure you'll be okay? Why isn't Jongwoon here yet?"_

_"I'm pretty sure I can handle that," Yunho pointed towards the drunk and half asleep Minho leaning against the wall and slowly sliding down toward the floor as he lost consciousness, "And I'm sure Jongwoon will be here soon. Coming straight here after you would look suspicious."_

_Donghae nodded understandingly._

_Yunho left out the fact that Jongwoon was supposed to have come before Donghae did though, and he wasn't sure why Jongwoon wasn't there yet. But everything would surely be alright._ Next _to that, he knew how much Donghae hated to see violence, so it was better if he left sooner rather than later. Yunho couldn't leave yet anyway, as he was the one responsible of cleaning up the scene and making sure there was no trace left behind that could lead the guards towards any of them, so he could keep an eye on Minho while Jongwoon made his way there._

_Donghae stayed for a few minutes longer, and after they made sure the coast was clear, he quickly left. His act of being drunk completely forgotten, as he made a beeline straight towards the Civiltry hideout._

_Minho was sound asleep on the floor, as Yunho went to sit across from him._

_Jongwoon, why wasn't he here yet?_

_The guard who had been eying them as they closed the door was still standing outside though. He had taken a seat across from the front door and watched as Donghae came walking out, completely sober as he had no problems standing up or was swaying like he was before. Proudly, the guard stood up quickly and dashed towards the office that wasn't too far away - he had already found it suspicious before, but now he was certain those 2 strange men who were with his respected boss were up to no good._

_Jongwoon sighed, he had been waiting on the rooftop for quite a while, eyeing the house he was still hoping Yunho would show up at_ soon _. He highly doubted he would_ though, _because he had seen quite some guards around - and the more guards that would be around, the more unsafe the chosen spot would be._

 _He doubted Yunho would take the risk of leading either Donghae or Zhou Mi towards this house with all these guards lurking around. Minho was the guards' boss_ after _all, they would surely take note and maybe even come to check up on Minho while they were busy killing him._

 _He was still hesitating whether or not he should go to Kibum's assigned spot instead, so he wouldn't miss out on his secretly much-needed_ revenge, _when a particular guard caught his eye._

_He blinked a few times to make sure his eyes weren't playing a trick on him. This couldn't possibly be real, could it? That guard looked remarkably the same as...?_

"The guard looked just like Jongjin, so I stupidly followed him," Jongwoon said, mournfully. "Of course it wasn't," he quickly added, feeling Changmin's eyes staring at him questioningly, as he still wasn't able to look him in the eye. "When I returned, Yunho was-" Jongwoon's voice trembled as he was unable to finish the sentence. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, as tears welled up in his eyes.

Changmin looked at him emotionless. He didn't really know what to say, what to feel, or what to do with the information he had just heard. If Jongwoon had been there when the guards rushed the house, things might have turned out differently. But he wasn't, and there was nothing that could be done to change things now.

As Changmin wasn't saying anything after Jongwoon finished his story, the latter eventually had enough courage to finally face him. His secret, that had been heavy on his heart for so long, was finally out there. No matter what Changmin thought or said, Jongwoon deserved every bit of it. Hell, he wouldn't even mind if Changmin beat the crap out of him. He actually hoped he would, because he deserved no less.

But Changmin didn't look ready to punch him at all. The unreadable expression that had been lingering on his face before had made way for emotions. His face ashen, while his eyes were filled with sadness and tears threatened to spill.

The silence became heavy. Jongwoon had always thought that when he finally found the courage to face Changmin and confess everything, he would at least feel better. Even facing Changmin's wrath felt less emotionally heavy than having to carry the burden with him wherever he went. But he really didn't feel much better at all. In fact, it was as if he was reliving the entire thing again. The feelings he had felt when he had found Yunho covered in his own blood, returned to him with quite a vengeance.

"Was he-" Changmin eventually asked, as Jongwoon's heart jumped at the sudden sound, Changmin's voice sounded raspy and he had to clear his throat before he was able to continue, "Was he still alive when you got to him? Did he suffer?"

Jongwoon had never told any details about it before, to anyone for all that mattered. When he had returned to the hide-out, they had seen the blood on his shirt and instantly started cheering for successfully finishing their mission. All the tension that had been building up for months was released by all of them in mere seconds.

It had taken a few seconds of cheering before they realized Yunho was missing and Jongwoon wasn't even slightly as relieved and happy as they were. Something they had expected him to be, as of all people he was probably the one that wanted Minho dead the most. 

When they had asked what was wrong, Jongwoon had simply mumbled he had failed, had walked up to Changmin to give him Yunho's ring which he had taken from Yunho after he had found him, muttered an ' _I'm sorry_ ' and he had left - followed by Heechul who could instantly sense things had gone horribly wrong. He had refused to speak about it after, and he had actively avoided Changmin since. And Changmin, who at that point had been mourning, hadn't felt like knowing the details either.

Jongwoon shook his head in reply, hastily wiping a tear that escaped the corner of his eye, as he didn't want to cry any longer. He had to be strong for his friend - his friend who he had failed on for the past year, and his friend who finally deserved some answers. "I don't think he suffered a lot," he added as his gaze turned towards the floor, remembering the short time the home's front door had been out of his sight and finding the galleons of blood on the floor surrounding Yunho when he did arrive. He must have bled to death within a minute after being stabbed by what probably had been a guard's sword.

The guards, however, had been nowhere in sight, but returned soon after, which made Jongwoon hastily retreat and leaving his best friend behind.

Changmin nodded understandingly but failed to reply as his emotions suddenly got the better of him. Tears fell down like rain from the sky as he hiccupped uncontrollably; his surroundings temporarily faded as if he wasn't really there anymore.

He couldn't help but remember Yunho clearly, and the thought of him dying on his own, being alone and without his friends or family surrounding him, must have been terrifying for him. They had once talked about their biggest fear, and Yunho had admitted that he feared to die alone the most. Knowing that, Changmin had always hoped and silently figured Jongwoon had been there with him in his final moments. It had been a good and soothing thought, one which he wished he still had.

Jongwoon awkwardly hugged him, not sure if he was the right person to do so, but also feeling like he owed him at least that much - even if it was just to return the favor as Changmin had hugged him soothingly mere hours ago.

"Changmin," he said eventually, as Changmin seemed to calm down a bit and got back in control of his emotions. "I'm <really> sorry..." He didn't know what else there was left to say, the thoughts of the events still hurting him as much as they had that day. Time didn't heal anything, at least not for him.

"He loved you," Changmin muttered silently in reply, unburying his face and looking straight into Jongwoon's eyes. "And I know you loved him just as much." He smiled softly, though his eyes remained sad and watery. He wanted to tell Jongwoon that he didn't blame him, that he was certain Yunho didn't blame him, but he didn't know how to. 

Luckily, he didn't have to, because Jongwoon knew. Jongwoon smiled back at him gratefully and heaved a soft sigh of relief. Despite that talking about it did make him feel more sad than he had already felt before, he also felt less burdened that he had finally been able to talk to Changmin, and that Changmin wasn't half as upset with him as he had expected him to be.

They talked some more about Yunho. About how he used to be. The things he had meant to them. As boyfriend, as best friend - how important he had been and how important he still was to them today.

They cried, they laughed, and as time went by, they both started to feel more at ease. Changmin finally having some of his everlasting questions about Yunho's final moments answered, and finally understanding why Jongwoon had thrown him aside the way that he had. 

And Jongwoon finally being able to let some of the guilt feelings he had towards Yunho and Changmin behind - not all, because he still felt responsible and he would probably always feel that way - and also being able to forgive Jungsu, Heechul, Kyuhyun, and Henry for coming to his family's home and having it burned down in the process.

Because talking to Changmin and reminiscing about Yunho made him realize that it wasn't the material aspect that makes you remember and cherish people - it was the memories that kept them truly alive.

"Ready to head out?" Changmin asked hours later, as he noticed how Jongwoon glanced longingly at the door for the nth time that minute. Jongwoon took one deep breath before he confidently nodded in reply.

He was finally ready to return to normal life and continue the goal that he had set for himself 2 years ago. His goal to live life to the fullest and to make sure the King and Minho would never get away with what they had done to him, and to the people that he once loved the most.


	15. Chapter 15

Walking out of a room you had locked yourself inside of for days felt really good, Jongwoon had to admit. And even though the memories that had led up to his reclusive behavior were still fresh, he walked out feeling somewhat reborn.

Finally having been able to talk to Changmin apparently was something Jongwoon had really needed - not just for today, but probably for the past year; it had been heavy on his shoulders for so long. But as he had gotten used to the always present burden, he hadn't even noticed his desperate growing need to talk. It's not that he hadn't tried to go to Changmin before, but his mind had always stopped him from doing so in the end. To his mind, it would only damage more than it would fix.

He had actually also tried to talk to Heechul before, but muttering incoherent guilt-ridden sentences to your drunk friend didn't help that much either.

He silently wondered what everyone would think about him and Changmin having red eyes and looking extremely tired as he walked into the living room, but he soon noticed that no one really paid attention to either of them at all. Many stood a little further away, their backs facing both Jongwoon and Changmin, while they themselves eyed the back of a seemingly upset Jungsu who was throwing his hands in the air and screaming at Youngwoon, who was trying to block him from walking away.

Youngwoon instantly noticed the two of them and looked at them nearly pleadingly for a split second, before focusing his full attention on Jungsu once again.

"If I want to go, I go. Get out of my way, Youngwoon!" Jungsu screamed at him, trying hard to shove Youngwoon out of his way, but to no avail. Youngwoon, being one of the strongest members around, didn't even budge an inch. "I mean it!"

"You are acting irrational," Youngwoon reasoned with a calm voice, "Leaving won't solve anything."

"Maybe," Jungsu replied in an annoyed tone, but at least no longer screaming like had for the past ten minutes. It obviously made Youngwoon feel a little more secure about himself, and he pushed Jungsu slightly backward so they weren't standing uncomfortably chest-to-chest any longer. Jungsu allowed Youngwoon to shove him back a little, and nonetheless continued, "But he has Changmin now, seeing me when he gets out won't help him."

 _Wait, was this about him?_ Jongwoon looked at Youngwoon questioningly as soon as their eyes met for another brief second, but the latter plainly ignored him. It's not that he didn't see it, but he had other things to focus on right now.

"And I don't deserve to be here. I failed as a leader, which not only ruined a to me dear friendship but also endangered four of our members," Jungsu continued rambling. He didn't understand why Youngwoon couldn't just let him go when he had explained multiple times for the past few days that it was the only reasonable option he had left.

"Five," someone suddenly mumbled on Jungsu's right, startling him quite a bit. He turned to his right and looked questioningly to no other than Henry, who was shyly fidgeting on his spot as many eyes suddenly turned to him; he didn't really like the sudden attention. It wasn't until then that Jungsu noticed him and Youngwoon weren't the only ones there.

"What?" He asked Henry bewildered, still confused with what he was trying to say.

"Five members," Henry replied, a little louder this time. "Jongwoon, Heechul, Kyuhyun, you and me. Five."

Henry had no idea why he even said that. It probably made Jungsu feel even worse, but Henry couldn't see why he had mentioned four members only, leaving out at least one of them.

"Henry is right," Youngwoon quickly added, feeling that if he wanted to say anything to let Jungsu change his mind about stepping down as a leader and leaving Civiltry altogether, it would be as long as he was startled enough by Henry. "Being a leader or not, you still count as a member too. Start thinking about yourself as well, for a change. So what if Jongwoon is angry, you guys fight all the time. And you always make up too."

Jungsu shook his head in reply, his energy having been drained and he couldn't even find enough energy within him to scream at any of them any longer. He felt utterly broken.

"Not this time," he mumbled. "I told him I should have let him die on the gallows, which was already too harsh. Then I kicked him out of Civiltry on the day of Yunho's death, only to come to look for him and getting his parent's home burned down and endangering the fou- _five_ of us," he emphasized on the word five, pleasing not only Henry, but many others that were following the conversation as well. "It's unacceptable as a leader, and as a friend," he finished nearly in a whisper.

Being a leader had always been hard on Jungsu. He always forgot about himself, worked harder than all of them, and always acted strongly like he thought he had to. But they all knew he had a softer side to him, that he had feelings too. And despite that he had opened up to Youngwoon many times before, he never tried to show that weaker side to anyone else before. Simply because it was not leader-like to do so.

Until today, that is. Today, all his walls came crumbling down. All because of Youngwoon, who had refused to let him go peacefully. It pissed Jungsu off, but deep inside it also made him happy.

Jongwoon looked at the scene unfolding itself in front of him and didn't know what to say. Yes, Jungsu had made mistakes. Yes, he was hurt over the words Jungsu had said. Yes, he somewhat did blame Jungsu for what had happened, because if he hadn't kicked Jongwoon out, ultimately Jongwoon parent's home would still be there. But was it worth it to see Jungsu this broken down? If Jungsu felt this guilty, wasn't that enough of a punishment for him?

"He cried for days over this," a voice suddenly mumbled, and Jongwoon looked aside. Heechul smiled softly, not liking how things were going with his two closest friends at all, but nevertheless happy that at least one of them seemed to do slightly better. "It's good to see you."

Jongwoon nodded absentmindedly in reply. For nearly 3 days he had locked himself up, feeling miserable and thinking solely about him and him alone. His anger towards Jungsu, Heechul, Kyuhyun, and Henry had been clearly present at the beginning, but had subdued over time. Not once, in his time there, had the thought about them and how they would feel about the whole situation - about what their actions had caused. And despite that he might have had a good reason to be mad in the first place, he felt guilty not considering them at all - Jungsu in particular, as he seemed badly affected.

He sighed sadly when suddenly Jungsu's voice managed to reach his ears again. "How can you say that?" He was heard asking. 

And as Jongwoon looked up to look at Jungsu's back to follow the conversation once again, Youngwoon grabbed a hold of Jungsu and swung him around to face Jongwoon; Jungsu and Youngwoon had been talking about the whole issue some more, and eventually Youngwoon had finally found the courage to tell Jungsu that Jongwoon wouldn't run away the moment he saw Jungsu. ' _How can you say that_ ', Jungsu asked? Well, "Because you've been standing in the same room for the past 10 minutes."

Jongwoon's eyes instantly met with Jungsu's, and both of them froze. Jongwoon noticed how red Jungsu's eyes were, and the twinkling light that had always been so obviously inside of them seemed to have faded. Jongwoon had never seen Jungsu broken like this before, and it truthfully worried him. 

Jungsu noticed Jongwoon's red eyes as well, but he had expected to see anger, and anger was nowhere to be found. Sadness was there, but that wasn't that weird considering everything that had happened the past few days.

He didn't know what to say though. There was nothing he could say to make things better for Jongwoon. He couldn't say sorry for telling him he shouldn't have saved him and just let him die, nor for kicking him out of Civiltry and getting his home burned down - a sorry wasn't near good enough nor enough to be forgiven. Actually, there was nothing he could say or do to be forgiven, as the things he had done were simply unforgivable, for a leader, and a friend. 

Jongwoon could obviously see Jungsu having a mental battle with himself as he stared at Jongwoon emotionless. It took a while, but suddenly Jungsu averted his gaze from Jongwoon and mumbled something incoherently before quickly moving past Youngwoon and walking towards the exit door.

And before Jongwoon knew it, he dashed forward, threw himself at Jungsu's retreating back and hugged him tightly. He missed out on the few gasps that were heard, and the uninhibited smirks of both Heechul and Youngwoon.

Jungsu was taken aback by the sudden arms wrapping around his waist, but stopped moving instantly. He looked down and recognized Jongwoon's hands, which were clearly smaller than those of the other members, before he started sobbing silently. He placed one of his hands on the wall in front of him to help him to keep standing up and placed his other hand on Jongwoon's hands as if he tried to accept the hug that way. 

He had rather turned around to hug Jongwoon back, because he was quite sure Jongwoon needed one probably even more than he himself did, but Jongwoon held him pretty tight on his spot, unable to move at all, let alone turn around.

And just as suddenly as it had started, just as abruptly Jongwoon let go of Jungsu and stood back up straight. Unscrambling his shirt by stroking it with his hand, and clearing his throat at the same time. He was seemingly embarrassed by his sudden hug, which didn't really match his usual character at all, but looked reassuringly at Jungsu nevertheless, as Jungsu turned around to face him.

Jungsu dried his cheeks quickly and smiled at Jongwoon gratefully. "Thank you, " he whispered softly. Jongwoon smiled back at him and nodded in acknowledgment. 

And that was all that was really needed for the two of them. And despite that they probably still needed to talk about everything eventually, for now, they both knew their friendship was still there. It had not been a lost cause as of yet.

"I'll be in my office," Jungsu suddenly said, a little louder so the others could hear it as well, suddenly feeling the urge to be alone. He hurriedly made way back towards his office, feeling relieved, and also somewhat ashamed for his earlier outburst and letting people see his weaker side, and as soon as he closed the door behind him, nearly everyone sighed in relief, including Jongwoon.

Not once before had Jungsu been this close to actually stepping down as their leader and walking out on them completely. And despite that they had never told him before - Civiltry wouldn't be what it was today without his perseverance and guidance to help them achieve the things that seemed unachievable.

Kyuhyun hadn't noticed Jongwoon and Changmin when they got out of the practice room, but when Jongwoon had dashed past him towards Jungsu, to give the much-talked-about back hug, his heart had literally jumped and skipped a beat.

Kyuhyun was still doubting whether it had been because he got startled, or because he was relieved to see Jongwoon save and sound, or because he was just simply a fool in love and his heart acted like this whenever he saw the other.

After his talk with Henry last night, it seemed as if his mind had suddenly decided to agree with Kyuhyun's heart and allow Kyuhyun to truly accept his feelings for Jongwoon. And despite that that might sound like a wonderful thing, it drove Kyuhyun nuts.

He had been unable to sleep, even though Henry had fallen asleep mere seconds after talking to Kyuhyun, not having bothered to crawl back into his own bed. Kyuhyun had been happy at first because he hadn't been able to sleep well for the past few nights, while he had been sleeping in his and Jongwoon's bed alone, but sadly, Henry wasn't Jongwoon.

Kyuhyun loved Henry, don't get him wrong, but he was impossible to sleep with. Most importantly, he wasn't Jongwoon - he didn't smell the same, he didn't breath as soothingly as Jongwoon did, and he didn't lay still like Jongwoon did. Despite his adorable looks, he was plainly a monster to sleep next to. He moved every other second, was sprawled all over the bed, and even accidentally hit Kyuhyun. _Fifteen times!_

' _How did you get those bruises?_ ' Henry had asked him innocently that morning, looking questioningly at Kyuhyun's arm which had three small bruises and one large bruise on them that hadn't been there the day before. Kyuhyun had simply huffed in reply before he returned to stare at the practice room's door, where Changmin had been having one of his long chats with Jongwoon on the other side of the door once again; completely ignoring Henry's concerned questions about whether Kyuhyun had inflicted the bruises onto himself.

But the moment the door suddenly had unlocked, his heart and mind had instantly forgotten about the horrible night and past few days and jumped in pure happiness. Just like it had when Jongwoon had brushed past him to hug Jungsu.

He had really fallen for Jongwoon badly, he concluded eventually.

Jongwoon, however, had been actively avoiding Kyuhyun ever since he got out of his isolation. At least, that's what Kyuhyun figured. Jongwoon had been talking to most of them, acting as if nothing had happened, and had even gone to talk to Henry and Heechul about their involvement in the house being burned down. He didn't want them to feel guilty, and he had made sure they weren't.

Had he forgotten that Kyuhyun was also there? Or how their kiss was the reason Jongwoon got kicked out in the first place? It seemed highly unlikely, but Kyuhyun couldn't think of any other reason for Jongwoon to not have come to talk to him yet.

"You probably have to talk to him instead," Kibum's muffled voice suddenly said from behind a book. He lowered his book just a little bit to look at Kyuhyun, who was sitting not too far from him. He had occasionally eyed Kyuhyun, whose eyes had only been following Jongwoon for the past few hours, and felt like it was time to help the poor boy. Everyone knew about their kiss by now, and despite that, they had all silently agreed on not talking about it to not make Jongwoon or Kyuhyun feel uncomfortable, apparently, Jongwoon had agreed with himself to not talk about it either. And that was obviously insensitive towards Kyuhyun. "He's not that well with... Romantic things."

Kibum, who is well known for his brilliant observational skills, had noticed way before their kiss that Jongwoon always eyed Kyuhyun a little longer than he would look at others. And despite that Jongwoon was known to not train anyone personally, he had somehow agreed with Jungsu that he would train Kyuhyun. It had been out of character, and to Kibum yet another obvious hint of Jongwoon's liking towards Kyuhyun, even though Jongwoon probably wasn't aware of it himself yet. The kiss hadn't been much of a surprise to Kibum, despite that things had escalated a little quicker than he had first expected it to.

"Well," Kyuhyun mumbled in reply, "Neither am I."

He sighed dejectedly, and Kibum merely shrugged before returning back to his book. There wasn't much more he could do for them now anyway.

Jongwoon went to bed early. Kyuhyun figured that sleeping on the practice room's floor probably wasn't very comfortable, considering if he had slept at all with all the emotions he had felt the past few days.

Kyuhyun had actually planned to sleep in early himself, as he too hadn't had much sleep the past few days, but he didn't want to face Jongwoon at this moment, so he decided to wait a little longer to make sure Jongwoon was asleep when he crawled into their shared bed.

He had actually considered moving beds, as his head screamed for him to do so, but his heart hadn't allowed him. His heart still wanted to be close to Jongwoon, even though the other hadn't even bothered to come over to talk to him today; he had spoken to literally everyone, but Kyuhyun.

And that hurt.

He deliberately talked a little longer with Henry, Hyukjae, and Donghae, trying to act cool as usual, but other than Donghae, Henry and Hyukjae knew exactly what Kyuhyun was thinking. And honestly, they didn't understand why Jongwoon hadn't come to talk with him yet either.

Especially Henry, as Jongwoon had even spoken to Henry to apologize for the kiss and hurting his feelings in the process. ' _You remind me of my little brother,_ ' he had mumbled sadly, ' _I love you, but like a brother._ ' It still hurt Henry to know Jongwoon doesn't like him back, but hearing it from Jongwoon himself did give Henry some closure. Only time could help him to get over Jongwoon now, but at least he didn't need to ask himself ' _what if_ ' any longer. And knowing that Jongwoon saw him as a little brother, meant a lot to Henry. 

"I'm pretty sure he is asleep by now," Hyukjae said after a while, starting to feel sorry for Kyuhyun who was obviously extremely tired but avoiding his bed like the plague.

"Who is?" Donghae asked, oblivious to what was going on.

"You can also just sleep on my bed, I can take the couch," Henry suggested on his turn, earning a dismissive, but grateful smile from Kyuhyun. He didn't want his friends to see or know about his insecurities, but he was secretly happy that they did without him having to say it out loud.

"Why would you offer that?" Donghae asked, still not understanding what was going on at all. They had just been planning to go out together to a tavern soon, when Hyukjae had suddenly disrupted their talk to say what he had just said, only for Henry to add to the confusion.

Hyukjae just laughed genuinely at his boyfriend and patted him on his shoulders, "I will explain to you soon."

And as Donghae was still demanding an explanation, because he felt extremely left out of the conversation, Kyuhyun quickly wished them a good night, and some other members that were still at Civiltry as well, before reluctantly making way towards the bedroom.

He started undressing next to the bed after brushing his teeth, only to stop as he was about to lift his shirt over his head. Sleeping in only his boxers suddenly felt out of place. He thought about it a little longer, before deciding to keep his shirt on, and silently crawled into the bed.

He glanced over to Jongwoon, just for his own mind to know he was really there this time - and secretly to assure himself that he wouldn't get beaten up by Henry this night - when he suddenly noticed Jongwoon's eyes were wide open and looking back at him.

He launched backward due to the sudden shock. "What the-" he exclaimed, clenching his chest in response and panting in reply. His heart made the usual jump and skipped a beat, after the initial shock, and he hated himself for it. Luckily, he must have just seemed extremely shocked to Jongwoon, because the last person he wanted to show his true feelings to at this very moment was him.

Jongwoon couldn't help but laugh at Kyuhyun's startled face. It was cute. Not that Jongwoon would ever say that out loud to anyone! He even scowled himself silently for thinking that way.

"We need to talk," he said eventually in all seriousness after Kyuhyun's face had returned to normal and he laid down comfortably in bed, suspiciously distant from Jongwoon. Jongwoon too was lying on his back but turned to face Kyuhyun, who on his turn simply continued to stare at the ceiling. It was at that point, that Jongwoon noticed Kyuhyun was still wearing a shirt.

"You think?" Kyuhyun had mumbled in reply, but it had been too soft for Jongwoon to hear.

"I'm sorry for-" Jongwoon started, sitting up a little, but turning his gaze shamefaced towards the blankets as he did, "for kissing you out of the blue." 

His eyes occasionally inadvertently looked up at Kyuhyun's shirt, which apparently bothered him more than he thought it would. Kyuhyun obviously must have felt assaulted by Jongwoon's sudden kiss the other night, considering he had never willfully worn a shirt in bed before, not even on the nights they still had endless discussions and fights over who deserved the bed and who didn't. 

 _This idiot_ , if he felt uncomfortable, then why would he still sleep in the same bed as him? "If you feel uncomfortable, I can move beds," he mumbled eventually, disappointedly but trying hard not to sound that way.

"Why would I feel uncomfortable?" Kyuhyun asked, without really thinking about it. He didn't want Jongwoon to know, but he was quite upset with Jongwoon's apology for their shared kiss.  He deliberately had decided to ignore Jongwoon's apology, because he didn't want anything to do with it. It had been his very first kiss, a kiss that was supposed to be special. He didn't want his very first kiss to be ruined by knowing that Jongwoon was sorry for it and had never meant for it to happen. 

Jongwoon pointed at Kyuhyun's shirt as his reply, and Kyuhyun replied with a small ' _ah_ ' to indicate he understood where the sudden remark came from.

"I'm fine, you can sleep here, good night hyung," Kyuhyun said quickly. He smiled, even though it was obviously staged, and turned away from Jongwoon shortly after.

It took a moment, but eventually, Jongwoon mumbled a simple ' _good night_ ' in return. He didn't turn away from Kyuhyun though, but it didn't surprise Kyuhyun as Jongwoon more often than not slept on his back.

The silence between them was interrupted by cheerful sounds coming from the living room every once in a while. The past few days, the mood at Civiltry had been bad, so it was good to know the mood had been increasingly better again. 

But it also annoyed Kyuhyun. He kept thinking all kinds of things - about Jongwoon, about his feelings, about the kiss, about Jongwoon's darn apology... And every time he was finally about to drift off to sleep, noises from the living room woke him up again. And each time he was back awake, his thoughts would return to him and kept him awake for another fifteen minutes.

It went on like this for at least two hours, when suddenly Kyuhyun noticed Jongwoon's breathing becoming irregular. It sounded awfully familiar, so he turned to look if Jongwoon was okay, and he noticed the latter was tossing and turning quite a lot - was he having _a nightmare_?

As it seemed to become increasingly worse, Kyuhyun quickly shook Jongwoon back and forth. "Wake up!" he hissed a couple of times, Jongwoon's behavior starting to worry him and it seemed to be quite a bad dream.

Luckily it didn't take Jongwoon very long to wake up. He looked Kyuhyun straight in the eyes when he did, seeming simultaneously shocked and scared, and his breathing was still rather rapid but slowly returned back to a more normal pace.

"It's okay," Kyuhyun said, trying to convince Jongwoon that it had just been a bad dream and everything truly was fine. "It was just a dream."

It hadn't been Jongwoon's first nightmare that Kyuhyun had experienced, but he actually never had found the courage to wake Jongwoon up. He always did feel obligated to help but on the other hand, he had also always felt like it wasn't his business to begin with. He mildly wondered what had changed for him to wake Jongwoon up this time so doubtlessly.

"I'm sorr-" Jongwoon started to mumble as his apology, much to Kyuhyun's dismay.

"Stop apologizing!" Kyuhyun suddenly snapped, startling Jongwoon who just stared at him with the same shocked and scared expression as he'd had before after being woken up from his nightmare. Kyuhyun felt somewhat guilty, but not nearly as guilty as for what was about to happen next. 

He launched forward and placed his lips on Jongwoon's. Jongwoon, who was still shocked with Kyuhyun's sudden outburst, didn't move at all, but Kyuhyun really didn't mind. His thoughts had been bothering him for days now, only worsening in the last few hours, and just for this once he would listen to his heart instead of his mind.

He was quite upset that Jongwoon still didn't respond to his kiss in the end though, but he eventually took his distance again and looked at Jongwoon, who was still as shocked as ever, impudently. "See, I am not sorry," he said sternly, before he turned around quickly and without another word.

It took just 3 more seconds before Kyuhyun was sorry. But he wasn't going to let Jongwoon know that - he still had his pride, or at least what was left of it.


End file.
